Not to mention the amount of slobber a young child has. Especially a teething one. I'm fairly certain with the amount of drool my daughter expends through out the day she could water the bullshit garden that is Donald Trump. And then to think all that drool is transferred to the cookie, the foot, the pen, the...well, whatever is in her little hand's grabbing radius - putting something in my mouth that she's found, well, it never sounded remotely appealing. So, even prior to having her and being witness to those parents that would just eat the rest of the cookie from their toddler I was not a fan. I am, in fact, still not a fan.
However, that does not change the fact that... That does not change the simple, mindless fact that... I became that which I did not understand. I ate from my child's adorable, slobbery, disgusting, smiling mouth.
And I had no clue I had done it until after I swallowed. And I just stood there. I just stood there with a blank stare and this thought,
"She did it on purpose."
Ridiculous? Maybe. But well, she is a master of manipulation. I mean, I had no intention of sharing my gummy fruit snack with her. But she was there, in my arms, leaning towards my gummy snack mouth wide open and her fluttering eyelashes that said "Oh, just let me taste it. You have a whole bag of them. One little taste won't hurt." I imagine she laughed wickedly under her breath at that point because she knew she had me. And so, I held on to the gummy snack, placed it in her wet, slobbery mouth where she cooed at its awesomeness for a moment before I took it out of her mouth, said a few words with My Emilie and then popped it in my mouth as if it never ventured into my daughter's tomb of slobber.
I ate it so thoughtlessly and so naturally, I'm inclined to believe that this, my friend, is just the beginning of my adventures into this spiral of craziness - Mommyhood.