Justification

Recent text exchange with my best friend, Emilie

Emilie:OMG OMG OMG I found corral boots 1/2 off, my size....
I'm going back to get them when I get off unless you can talk me out of it.
Me: As your best friend and fellow shoe lover, I cannot in good conscience talk you out of this.
You will thank me later as you show off your new boots.
Emilie: :D

I absolutely love that we use each other to justify our needs, when deep down we know it may be a bad idea. And that, my friends, is how you be a best friend.
But seriously how could these be a bad idea?

And just for future reference if you ever need to justify anything that may seem ridiculous in any type of way, I encourage you to contact me.

Did a bird just poop on your hair?

Call me.
I will totally agree with you that throwing rocks at said bird is in no way animal cruelty.

Did your child just throw-up on your brand spanking new pants?

Call me.
I will totally suggest that you show them who's boss by throwing up on their pants.

Did someone just eat the last piece of chocolate pie right in front of you knowing how much you love it?

Call me.
I will arrive shortly with a pie made not for consumption but for throwing.
IN.THEIR.FACE.

 Did a spider launch itself directly at your face because they are evil and do such things?

Do not call me.
I am not logical when it comes to spiders.

But seriously, other than that. I'm all yours.

Our First Real Tantrum

i hate to brag
{because i know it's going to bite me in the ass eventually}

but i seriously do have a really good baby

she's happy the majority of the time

she sleeps well

she eats really well
and she's as cute as a button

there's something about lillie...

but we've noticed she has well, what we'll call 

selective hearing

Lillie Mae, get down. Hot. That's hot.
LILLIE, no ma'am.
LILLIE MAE.
NO we do not eat crickets. put it down.
PUT IT DOWN.

she usually fusses for a few seconds
and then she's hauling butt back to being adorable

and lately she's been testing us more than normal

she's figuring out she can do things on her own

{she only seems to be happy if she has a feeding utensil
in her hand with me as we're trying to eat dinner}

and like i said she has this selective hearing thing down pat

which is what we noticed yesterday morning
you see, we have this end table that we don't like her to climb on

it's where we keep our drinks, remotes, papers...

{okay, basically it's a junk station, don't judge me}

and while i think it's wonderful for people to create 'yes environments'

for their kids, i believe you have to teach your kid what no means

and it means n.o.

not everywhere you go will be catered to your child

and they have to learn that

we try to explain why, because we like explanations as adults 

and i used to hate it when i heard

because i said so

but back to the story at hand

the end table

she wanted it

and we were blocking it because we were being awesome parents
and playing with her on the ground

{instead of on our incredibly comfortable couch}

so, we told her no

picked her up, moved her, and tried to distract her

this happened about 3 more times

with each time her becoming more frustrated and well, frankly 

pissed

which then resulted in, what we'd like to call 

her first real tantrum

why?

because she flung herself face-down into this giant bear

it's so fluffy!

and continued to cry

and we did something we probably should have held off on

we laughed

because it was high-larious

but oh, it just made her more mad

as the husband went to go pick her up

she did it

she really did it

she took a swing at him

she was probably just trying to push him away

{pushing, something the she loves to do when i'm feeding her
and she wants nothing to do with the cauliflower}

but in her anger with her tiny fists balled up

screams coming from her wailing lungs

and a look that could kill

i'm fairly certain we may have a  future UFC fighter on our hands

we both just stopped moving

and looked at each other

and...

laughed again

i know, great parents, but hey, it builds character, right?

{another one of those parentalisms i hated}

and the second the husband picked her up

she stopped crying immediately

and starting smiling

and pointing to the table saying

what's that?

in her adorable little baby whisper voice

and we melted

our daughter, boy has she got us trained or what.

One-derland

my daughter turned the big one a couple weeks ago

and in honor of that achievement

{she still has all her fingers and toes, go mom and dad!}

we decided to have a celebration

Lillie in One-derland
{get it, ONE -derland, because she's turning..oh never mind}

 seems fairly straightforward, right?

have bright colorful things, a couple of theme items

and bam, good to go

well, when you look around and there's nothing

available to buy for decoration because let's face it

Alice in Wonderland is not appreciated nearly enough

in comparison to all that is a Disney Princess

you have to get a little creative

floating yarn balloons

have amazing friends

we love you emilie!

{who are willing to stay at your house nearly every day in the week prior
to get everything and then some ready}

a fantabulous husband
who put up with nearly a month of craft supplies strewn about the house
{while the laundry suffered in silence}

 

I drove him mad all right...

a mother-in-law who went above and beyond
when she offered to make Lillie's cake

i'm pretty sure my jaw dropped to the floor when she came in the hall with it
yes, it's that amazing

Lillie even had her own personal teapot to tear into

and wonderful family and friends to celebrate her with

the love and generosity shared to celebrate our beautiful little girl
it was so much more than i expected
{seriously, we need more closet space at the house after this!}
  i admit, i may have gone slightly overboard in the production
of this little birthday party

and by overboard yes, i mean the outfits.

wonderland props, fresh flowers, pinwheels, yarn balls and tulle

squeeze-its {i didn't even realize they still made them!} with drink me tabs
and personalized water bottles with alice quotes

over yonder {i took some creative liberties}

oreo pops, heaven in your mouth

big as house, small as a mouse - take your chances with these eat me cupcakes!

i just wanted it to be special
not just for her, but for everyone invited/involved
because without these wonderful people in our life

i would have never made it through this first year
{at least not with all my hair}
so, for all you haters out there that may say
really, tamara, really? this much effort
she's one, she won't remember it
who cares?
i say to you
she may not remember it, it's true
but when she looks back on pictures
she'll just know
that the joy in our faces
in our hearts
in our blistered fingers from cutting up and gluing paper together for hours
means only one thing

that we love her more than anyone outside our family needs to understand
no matter how cooky, upside-down or ridiculous things may appear
we'll always have our own little wonderland
alice and all

Ninja Friday {and Thursday!}

i am a ninja.

no, really, it's true.

okay, well, probably not to you.

but to me, oh, fo'sho' i am.

you see, i partake in this crazy little phenomenon called Black Friday.

you know, that day after Thanksgiving were people get pepper sprayed over a video game or stepped over and ignored while having a heart attack

it really is quite ridiculous, and even though i absolutely adore the adrenaline rush i receive from grabbing that last box on the shelf for a price i could probably get with a good coupon on any other day of the year, i, in no way condone that kind of behavior. 

some people just completely baffle me

maybe it's my southern roots that even in mid-run down home depot i still yell sorry with every person i may accidentally nudge as i weave and bob through the crowd

or maybe it's the fact that i know if i want something that bad, i'd more than likely pay full price for it anyways, so who cares?

but back to the ninja thing - 

this year {in case you hadn't heard} sales actually started on Thanksgiving DAY

in the past 8 years or so that I've participated it's all been {technically} on Friday with times like 3 a.m., 4 a.m, etc.

the crew this year  involved my two sister-in-laws, cousin-in-law and me

in a hotel

because yes, we are that badass

{huge shout-out to the husband's aunt who thought
of this ingenious idea and booked the room}

they 3 all arrived before i did

{i dropped of the kiddo with her godparents - who are effing amazing}

the evening started out around 6pm with my
SIL texting me the wrong room number on purpose

i actually had a feeling she might do that

finally after knocking on the wrong door

i found the right one

and hit the sales ads

i only had two items that were necessary's 

a christmas tree and a stove

everything else was just a sure, why not

{i'm not so much a real shopper on this day as an enjoyer of al's family, they are amazingly fun and we don't see each other enough}

so, around 8 we decided we'd go to walmart

their sales started at 10pm and 12am

we got there and already people were in lines with their hands on things

{all still on pallets in the center aisles with the packaging tape}

things were not allowed to be in the basket until the appropriate time

i only had 3 items

600 ct sheets for $20, 7 piece comforter set for $34 and Cooties game for $3

and because none of these were MUST HAVES

i was awesome and told the other crew members i'd head over to ToysRus to see how that madness would go. 

with their lists in my relatively warm little hands, i left with high hopes

you see, i knew ToysRus started at 9pm. and since it was about 9:15pm
i figured i'd get in the store fairly quickly
{although it'd be crazy crowded}
and with fingers crossed maybe, just maybe, i'd be free by midnight
{when Target opened their doors}

uh, yeah, like i said - high hopes

they changed their strategy this year 

instead of just opening the doors they only let 50 people in at a time

which was great when you got in because you could actually move around

but not so great as you were standing out in the cold for oh, about 2 hours listening to people complain about any and everything, watching small children run up and down the parking lot, and cheering every time the line moved (whether it was because more people were let in the store or people gave up and got out of line)

and i must say it did make it extra sad to watch all the people before me leave the store with basketful's of items,
i was almost certain there was no way i'd be able to get what was on my list
{lincoln logs for Lillie & humidifier for my niece, Ayana)

and especially not what my crew had given me as their lists

so, i was pleasantly surprised to have gotten the 2nd to last lincoln logs and the majority of everyone else's items

{i can't wait to play lincoln logs with the lillie-kins!}

they must have stocked more in anticipation of starting time at 9pm instead of 12am or 5am or whatever it has been in the past

the line was probably just about an hour wait

they were very organized and made it very clear where the line started and stopped

props to ToysRus management

i managed to get out of there right at midnight

because my crew was still battling the walmart crowds

{apparently there was practically a fight over the sheets - there was totally a line for them at 8pm}

and because one SIL wanted an electronic they had to wait until midnight for it

and apparently that was an ordeal

as they did not roll them out when they were supposed to

but she got what she wanted and it was her big ticket item

so i think she was happy

anyway, they were still in the throes of walmart madness

i punched it to target

they had just started to let people in

i had my list and the crew's list

i got in about 12:30am and had about as many hits as i had misses in my first run-through

all i wanted was some pyrex for $16 

{i gots it}

everything else was for my nieces/nephews per their parents

our target is fairly big

which meant the line was beyond ridiculous

and by beyond ridiculous i mean over 2 hours ridiculous

BUT, i did manage to score a few items in line that i didn't get on shelves because people had dropped them on the way to the front for check-out

the people in line behind me {hi ladies!} were amazing and offered their shopping basket to me

{i literally had things stuffed in my jacket to keep a hold on everything, with sweat dripping down my face, i was the epitome of a mad woman}

don't judge me

pyrex is heavy

and because i'd been in line for an hour, staring at the same butts, i was completely shocked at the balls the couple who tried to cut me had

if you know me then you know i am laid-back

i go with the flow

want my spot, whatever, not that important

but not on black friday, bitches

had i not been in line for an hour already with another hour looming in front of me, i probably would have not reacted the way i did

nor if i had just heard the couple speaking plain-as-day english before they cut me

Me: Are y'all just trying to shop or get in line, because the line starts back there.
{man looks at woman, woman looks at me, looks at man and turns around}

Man: uhh No sabe englis.

Me: Ohhhkay. I just heard you speaking english. the line does not start here, it's back there.

Woman: Que? Que?

Man: No comprehende.

Me: Seriously? Fine. Let's do this.

Which then resulted in me yelling out for a Target employee who speaks Spanish

which caused man and woman to both speak very rapidly in their non-english and look around nervously
a girl about 5 people behind me said her mom spoke spanish

she turned to get her

man and woman took off

about that time one of the ladies who had let me use their shopping cart had come back with an employee

he wasn't necessary but said that's why there were so many stationed near the line

anyway, i felt slightly bad about it

but at the same time

no.

not okay.

if you choose to be an idiot {admittedly like me} and go out at 12am for some deals, you have to suffer the consequences and one of those is waiting in ridiculously long lines

don't cheat the system, people

i survived the remaining hour with no more cutting and a text around 1:30 that the crew was meeting at the hotel, they were finally out of walmart

i was out about 3

stopped in at a sonic that was open grabbed some cheesesticks

and downed my mountain dew i had grabbed from Target

it was the kick i needed

tried to go to Old Navy

uh, negative, there was no room to even shop

people had no idea where the line even ended (i asked)

kohls was the same way

i went back to the hotel

checked over the ads 

and the crew was back again!

4am HEB happened

i saw one of my favoritest people ever from my retail days

{Hi Amber!}

got a $20 dutch oven

{hehe, dutch oven}

and 40 double A batteries for $10 bucks

from there we went to Home Depot

this was important

you see, they had a Christmas tree for $49 bucks

and i wanted it

bad

7.5 foot and pre-lit, full and beautiful

i had to have it

but there was a line already

the girl and her mom behind us were wanting it too

i started counting the people in front of us

the odds were not in my favor

i knew what this meant

ninja skills, ninja skills indeed

when i got inside those blessed doors

i ran like the wind

forrest gump, you don't have shit on me

i am never skinnier than on Black Friday, 

i weave, i bob, i jump, i scout out best possible routes
{thank the sweet baby jesus i am tall}

i placed my hand on the 2nd to last one, the girl in line behind me got the last one

SCORE

i was in adrenaline heaven, pumped and ready to go i couldn't wait for the next store

{thanks Chrisa for helping me carry it out!}

my other SIL also had a slight run-in with a mad woman who insisted she owned a full shelf of .99 cent pointsettas

next store was Michael's that didn't open until 6am

we had about 30 minutes to kill, so a bathroom break happened

and when people started getting in line

so did Chrisa and I

they had their cricut cartridges on sale

buy two get a jubilee free

but apparently they were open on Turkey day and ran out of free product

{of course}

we did get a free candy bar though

SCORE

 we decided to get some free breakfast at the hotel

it was amazingness

the girls wanted to go ahead and lay down

but i was determined to check out Cavendar's

{boots for me!}

they opted to ride with me and i was lucky enough to find exactly what i wanted in my size

{if you don't know me or my size 11 shoe, you're missing out on all my shoe shenanigans}

from there we tried to return few items from ToysRus

but nope, no returns, not until 1pm

*sigh*

we then tested out Old Navy again

which resulted in a pair of $15 jeans for me and two sets of adorable jammies for the kiddo

and Kohl's 

were my crewmates officially rocked my ninja status 

by hiding their finds from earlier in the morning behind some men's oxford shirts

they got all the stuff with none of the line

amazing crew

my alarm went off at 6:45 to call alfred and i thought something was wrong, because surely i wasn't this wide awake after 24 hours of no sleep

runner's high, pshhh

black friday high my friends

i found the stove we wanted at sears, called to see if they even had what i wanted (gas, not electric) and they were actually honoring all of their in store sales online, so we didn't even have to weather that situation

SCORE

we tried to hit the hotel again for some sleep, but yeah, after showers and everyone and their mom calling us, and a maid trying to get into our room

we got up a short two hours later and headed out for some lunch

love us some Chuy's

then to return things at ToysRus and Target

and finally home

we separated all the items at my house 

{since there were no prying kid eyes there}

and about 6:15pm i was finally able to sit down, text lillie's godparents about picking her up

and revel in my awesome shopping abilities

alfredo & the best friends {emilie & justin} & the bro-in-law arrived shortly after

i made my emilie proud by my target situation

and then i promptly zoned out

after showing off my kickass boots of course

it was exhausting

it was ridiculous

it was fantastic

and i absolutely cannot wait to do it again next year

did any of you join in on the craziness this year?

Lillie's Birth Day

i had plans. 

you know, the kind where i will get everything done that needs to be done in this set amount of time because i'm a rockstar

but yeah, that did not happen

because i made my first mistake as a mom - 

i forgot to take into account that

kids.don't.like.plans.

you see, my little butterbean, was late. 

nearly two weeks late.

despite me trying nearly everything in the book to convince her it's not so bad out here

she refused to let go of my uterus

i had finally conceded that i was going to be induced

and that was that

november 17th was the big day

so, when november 16th came i just went about my business

i had plans to clean and go to the store and spend some time with my mother and brother who had come in for her birth

i woke up

had alfred help me from the bed

{you try to get up by yourself at 10 months pregnant}

wobbled to the toilet

plopped down on the seat

did what needed to be done

stood up

and...

peed myself

or rather, that's what i thought i did

you see, i didn't want to be one of those girls who thought their water had broke but really just peed themselves

and i was way confused because i had just.went.to.the.bathroom

so, i told the husband

"hey, i either peed or my water broke"

which he then responded with a "well, what is it"

which then escalated into me vehemently telling him i had no idea, i'd never been pregnant before, i don't know what contractions are and i'm convinced this hell-baby wants nothing to do with me

so i did what any emotionally charged woman would do in this situation - 

i tried to shoo him off to work which didn't work 

he thought it was hilarious that i was convinced if it was labor that i would somehow drive myself to the hospital

{i know, it sounds ridiculous to me now, especially after feeling contractions, but i swear i knew i could do it}

it was 7:30am. i called the doctor at 8 and they asked me how close my contractions were, etc.

{i was still convinced i was peeing because i didn't feel anything}

we set off to the doctor about 8:15

i felt contractions on the way to my OB

alfred could tell because i would conveniently stop talking

and about 9am my OB confirmed what my husband had already been telling me

i was in labor

i was just grateful that i didn't waste a trip to the doctor because i thought i had peed myself

we checked into the hospital

i immediately asked for my epidural

{i had been told by multiple people to do this first thing because it may take them some time to get to me}

they checked my dilation, i was at a 3

contractions were ok

i was settled in watching television, breathing, thankful i decided to eat a small bowl of cereal before we left

{i had heard/read that eating something light was okay}

and 2 hours later i was at a 5

the contractions weren't bad exactly, but i knew i didn't want to go any further

without my epi, alfred asked about it

the anesthesiologist made it in and 

hooked.a.sistah.up

i was in heaven

and then around 4 they told me i was almost a 9

and i started feeling some pressure

and more pressure
and more pressure

i finally asked the nurse about my epi and they quickly gave me a refill and a few moments later it was almost 5 pm and i was ready to git.r.dun

my OB (whose office was right next door) came running from his office

{literally i saw him running from his office to the hospital from my window}

and i was already doing 'practice pushes' 

my gawd, you hear that pushing actually feels good but you never believe it until it actually does feel amazing

you don't want to stop

and i didn't

i got in trouble because i wasn't giving my body a break between contractions

but i was not  going to be pushing for up to 3 hours

{the doc had told me it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours prior to this}

and it didn't

at 5:25pm our Lillie Mae was delivered

in perfect condition

{albeit with a slight temperature}

and i was so proud of my husband who never left my side

and kept me smiling through it all

{we actually fist bumped after a particularly nasty contraction to let each other know we're kicking this labor's ass}

and it feels as if it was just yesterday

that the nurse rolled her in our room and everyone had left
that alfred and i looked at each other and asked,
what do we do now?

and how we left the hospital and on the way home were simply amazed that the hospital just let us leave with a baby. 

we had no qualifications. 

no babysitting time between us. 

neither of us had successfully even changed a diaper!

and yet, here we are a 1 year later

parents to the greatest blessing we have ever known

she has taught us so much

and we look forward to her teaching us

{and hopefully us teaching her}

throughout many more years

Happy 1st Birthday my beautiful darling girl

your smile brightens our day, our hearts and our soul

we love you.

mom&dad

I must be mad...

In less than a week, it will have been a year. Yes, a FULL YEAR, since my daughter decided to bust a move from my womb and make her way into this world.
Ridiculousness.
Who does she think she is anyways? Trying to turn into a toddler and all. Ugh.

And in a week, she'll be sitting in cake crumbles and ice cream celebrating this day with our family and friends.
Where will I be?
Probably in the fetal position praying to the sweet baby Jesus that it's finally over while drinking a nice, healthy glass of wine and swearing to myself over and over that never, ever, ever will I plan a birthday party.
{Okay, fine I admit that even while I say this, I know good and well, this time next year I'll be making last minute touches to yet another perfect party}

I just hate that I know I did this to myself. I've been planning this since she was roughly 6 months old. Or at least had the idea in my head at that point. And for the past couple weeks I've been trying to coerce these little thoughts, these plans from the recesses of my brain to come to fruition. Well, it's getting closer and I can feel the pressure.
I mean, Lillie in "One"-derland was/is a wonderful idea.
But it's actually really hard to find Wonderland items to purchase.
Everything is princess this, or princess that...
Which means, it's up to me to make this vision in my head come to life, but that's a lot of pressure and strain to put on one slightly-perfection ridden mom.
So, I've commissioned my best friend to help me make a lot of what I want
{Thanks Emilie for putting up with my crazy!}

and
Thank you Pinterest for helping me become a do-er!

Wonderland Props coming together...

Okay, I see you. You can stop with the eye rolling. I'm not an idiot, I know that Lillie will have no recollection whatsoever in regards to her 1st birthday. So, she technically won't care what I do. She's going to be happy to have cake and people holding her all day. 

But the thing is - this is for me as much as it is for her. This is my celebration to the world saying
"I effing made being a mom my bitch."
Because I did, despite all my worries, all the frustrations, all the tears and confusion I passed. It may be with a C-, but she still has 10 toes/10 fingers/ 2 eyes and a heartbeat.
And one helluva smile.

Adorable, right?

 And I can't wait to see that same smile when she's older, looking back through her baby book and saying to me
"Damn, mom - overcompensate much"
so that I can reply with
"Just you wait sweetheart, you'll do things you never thought you would."

We play the "Mom eat this" game entirely too much.