The Most Beautiful Sound

Okay, where's your jacket? Is it near you? Or pants? If you don't have pants near you - *cough* on you *cough* - just pretend. Alright, do you have one of these items? Yes? Good. Now, take the item and put the zipper together and pull...

brrrrzzziiiiiiiiippppp

Did you hear that? Was it music to your ears? Go ahead, do it again. It's fine, maybe you just missed the initial amazingness of it, I'll wait.

...

Oh, it just sounds like a zipper to you? Well, you my friend, apparently have never been stuck in maternity clothes for months. Because if you had you certainly would understand that this simple sound of a zipper zipping up on a pair jeans is truly the most beautiful sound in the world. 

Now, the pants I zipped up aren't the size I want to be, but at this point - simply being able to zip up a pair of REAL jeans is a miracle in itself. 

I guess that saying is true, it really is the little things in life.  

Two months, Where has it gone?

Lillie had her two month checkup yesterday where it was confirmed that she was perfectly healthy and incredibly cute. (Okay, they didn't confirm she was cute, but really, have you seen my daughter? The proof is in the pudding people.) 

She's 10 lbs, 15 oz. I was sure she was at least 12. I actually asked the nurse to weigh her again. And then I started thinking that maybe I should weigh on their scale if that's the case. My scale at home is not nearly as friendly, in fact, I think it's out to get me.

We had a busy day after her appointment, we had to visit my office, my old office and Alfred's work place. Despite having 3 shots in her long, little monkey legs, she smiled and hammed it up like she was born to be in the spotlight. It makes me wonder how much of our personalities are already in her, and how much more we're going to get to unveil as the days go by.

She's more alert, more active and more beautiful as the days go...even if she is squishing poo out of the top of her diaper. She's become a pro at that, by the way. It feels weird to think that two months ago I was cursing my cervix for not opening up and releasing this demon child that seemed to have a firm grasp on my uterus. And even weirder to think that this time last year I was convinced my body simply hated me because I wasn't pregnant. Things can change so radically and quickly in a few short months without you even realizing it unless you take a few moments to dwell on your life.

And after dwelling on my life, I've got to say - it's pretty, freaking awesome. 

 

Resolutions: Week 1

I thought to keep myself on track, I'd use this blog to update how my resolutions for this year are going weekly. 

• Resolution 1 - not getting pregnant
• I am completely on track with this one. Praise the sweet baby Jesus.

• Resolution 2 - meeting my goal weight
• I signed up for WeightWatchers last week. This is what I did last year when I lost 25 lbs and became so close to my goal before becoming pregnant. Alfred is on board with me as far as eating and cooking healthier, so this has been a godsend. In the past, he's not always approved of some of the 'healthy' alternatives I've tried. Although, I have to admit Turkey Burgers are definitely not an alternative I ever want to try again. We cleaned out the pantry and refrigerator to help us stay on top of this when I go shopping this weekend 
• I've also started officially working out this week. I'm fortunate in that with my job we have a free gym if we choose to utilize it. It's the building next to mine, so 3-4 times a week during lunch I'm walking over and getting my sweat on. I have a great new workout play-list, some awesome sports bras and the motivation to become that coveted MILF role I so desire. 

• Resolution 3 - running a half-marathon
• I may be crazy but I've shipped out $22 bucks and signed up to run a 5k on the 29th of this month. I did this 5k last year and the feeling of accomplishment and pride I felt afterwards was amazing. I know that I may not actually run the entire race, or beat my time from last year but I'm okay with that. I just need something that will keep my motivation up for the next couple weeks until I can make working out more of a habit than a chore. I've recruited my friend Lauren to join in this with me...and if anyone else is interested in jamming to a great play-list in the freezing cold January 29th with two incredibly awesome people click here for more information about it.

So, that's it. I'm still feeling good about these resolutions, but it is only the 1st week. I think the real testament is going to be how I feel about them (and keeping on top of them) after the excitement and new wears off. Well, except for maybe resolution #1. I'm pretty sure the excitement of not being pregnant for the next 12 months is in no way going to decrease. If it does, you have every right to slap me with a piece of ham.

Resolutions

It's that time of the year again. One where you insist that you'll do more, you'll be better, and that all the things you promised yourself you'd do in 2010 will definitely get done in 2011. 

Resolutions. 

They'll be the death of me, I swear. I hardly ever keep them, so why do I make them every year? Perhaps, I just get caught up in the excitement of it all. A new year, a new dawn kind of thing. Or maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment as the year comes to a close and I realize I've done nothing I set out to do 11 months prior.

In all honesty though, it's probably because I'm one of those damn optimists and I allow my hopes and dreams to forever exceed reality. I thought maybe I should just forgo the whole resolutions conundrum I seem to fall into but really, what fun is that? 

So, for 2011 I've made the following resolutions of which I believe are fairly realistic. I'm hoping that by writing it (blogging, whatever) I'll hold myself to them a little better than just saying them in my mind. 

• I resolve to not be pregnant for 2011. I was for the better part of 2010 and well, I deserve at least a year break between kids. And to have the ability to down a beer if there's ever a situation where this needs to happen. Knowing my life, I'm almost certain there will be a situation where this is called for. It's inevitable.
•  I resolve to meet my goal weight. I almost met this goal in 2010, I was 10 lbs away when I actually became pregnant. I feel incredibly confident that this is possible.Not to mention, for some reason I really want to be referred to as a MILF now that I have a child.I'm certain this resolution will help me achieve this goal.
• To run a half-marathon. I feel so-so about this one. I did a 5k last year and it was one of my proudest moments, so I'm trying to amp it up a bit. I'm not going for a record, just finishing it would suffice.  

Here's to hoping this year is full of awesome surprises, amazing milestones and a whole bundle of love. 

Motherhood to Me

I made it through. I actually made it through childbirth.

7 weeks later and it all still seems so surreal. Not the actual labor, because believe you me that was NOT pleasant, but that I had a tiny human living in me and now she's out of me. Breathing. Living. Pooping. It's just ridiculousness.

One of the most popular questions I've come across has been "So, how is it being a mom?" And I suppose the simple answer (and the one most expect and prefer) is that "It's simply amazing and beautiful and I am in love with my life." But the fact is that for me being a mom doesn't dwindle down to just a simple answer. There's so many more emotions and truths in it, that just saying 'it's great' pulls the magic away from the whole she-bang and seems to cheapen the experience. So, I try and be truthful when people ask me any question relating to this new world of motherhood I've been thrown into.

For example, when Lillie arrived was I overcome with a seemingly unbearable tankard of love? No. All I felt was sweet relief that she was fine, that I was fine, and I was officially done being pregnant.I also remember being incredibly excited that soon I would be able to see my ankles and flip-flops every day would be a thing of the past.

And when I held her for the first time, I was in disbelief that something that large (8lb 12oz) came from me. And I felt guilty. Because from the day you exclaim to the world you're pregnant all you hear is how you'll be drowned in emotions and love for your baby the moment she is placed in your arms. Yet here I was thinking about her weight.

What I believe is my first real 'mom' moment actually belongs to another - Alfred's. When I saw him holding her for the first time, staring with so much love into that bundle of blankets that's when I knew that my life was forever changed. I literally felt my heart flutter. It was so vivid. So real. No pretenses, no lies. Simple, unadulterated love. Amazing.

And that's what being a mom has been to me so far - the moments. The good, the bad, the dirty. So, when people catch me on a bad moment I tell them "it sucks". Because when I've being overloaded with company, hopped up on pain meds from the delivery and for the first time in my life taking care of a newborn - it DOES suck. When she's been crying for the past 30 minutes and I have no clue why - in that moment it does suck. When I take her to someone for a few hours where she sleeps like an angel only to come home and refuse to go to bed - okay, well beyond that sucking that is simply just flat out annoying.

But what truly makes it all bearable - the frustrations, the sleepless nights, the realization that you have a tiny person to take care of - are all of the good. When she turns her head to the sound of my voice, when she smiles her toothless grin and it's not followed by gas, when her dad is trying to make the moves on mom and she poops like a grown man foiling his attempts - those moments are what makes it worth it.

And let's face it if we didn't have those moments to hold on to, to allow us to forget about all the bad that's stuck in between - there would be a whole lot of single child families in the world.