Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Letters to Lillie: Why, child, why?

Dearest Lillie,

While I fully appreciate the love and affection you have for me, there is absolutely no need to showcase this by waking up at 2am to "talk" with me. Yes, yes, I know I encourage our conversations by talking back, singing horribly and making silly faces. But this is much more appropriate between the hours of 7am and 9pm, when I am fully functioning. Outside of these hours, I cannot and will not be held responsible for the emotions/actions that escape me.

You should be fully aware of this, seeing as I once changed you during the night only to discover in the morning that I had left the dirty diaper still enclosed in your zipped up jammies. Had you not learned your lesson from this incident? Or how about the time I laid on the floor next to your bouncy chair simultaneously crying and laughing in huge granny panties, a milk-soaked shirt and unwashed 2 day old hair because I simply could not figure out what your problem was?

Child, you give me so much hope when you sleep through the night for consecutive days. So why do you have to throw this 2am wrench into my REM cycle - ruining my Glee infested fantasy dream? Do you not understand my love of all things musical? You should. You were forced to listen to ridiculous music and an even more ridiculous singing voice for 10 months. Is this why you do it? Revenge?

So, again, I love that you want to tell me things! I do! But if you want me at the top of my game, 2 am is not the time to do so.

I'd appreciate your cooperation in the future. Also, using your precious toothless smile against me is just plain evil. I'm assuming you've learned this behavior from your father. I'll be having a talk with him soon as well.



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