Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Saturday Night Mystery

Since having Lillie I don't often enjoy more than perhaps 1 or 2 adult-themed beverages. Mostly, because she's with me, and  I just don't deem it necessary to drink much around her. She makes me so happy, why would I need to feign that feeling with something like alcohol.

However, when she's not with me and I want to pretend like I'm 20 again and I've just finished painting the kitchen for the second time in a week (post to come later) - a few beers is quite the mood enhancer. Which is how I decided to roll last Saturday.

After finishing up the kitchen, which turned out fantastic, we decided to spend some time with our dear friend who is leaving us for this thing called 'work'.Ridiculous, I say. Who moves to Wyoming? I mean, who?

Anyhow, our time well-spent included some refreshing beverages and shooting skeet. I know guns and beer don't go well together, but let's be honest - this is Texas. Beer is like Ranch Dressing or Ketchup - it goes with everything.* And to be fair, the drinking was actually after the fact - seeing as we didn't want to miss any of those fancy orange clay targets flying around.

So, as our night festivities came winding down and we plopped onto our incredibly comfortable couch, I vehemently decided that it was time for pizza. I happily flew to the oven (in my newly painted kitchen) and went to pre-heat the oven.

From this point onward, I have no recollection of what really happened. Only the clues of what was leftover when I awoke in the morning.

Clue #1 - I am awake. In the living room. On the recliner.
Clue #2 - My hair is wet and clean, so are my armpits. Phew.
Clue #3 - A nearly empty bottle of Boone's Farm (another staple in the Texas lifestyle, I might add) is on the end table next to me.
Clue #4 - Xbox light is on and controller is haphazardly thrown in the corner of the couch.
Clue #5 - Upon turning the television on, I see Harry Potter Legos on the screen.
Clue #6 - Empty pizza box on counter.
Clue #7 - Upside down, nearly empty Ranch bottle next to pizza box.
Clue #8 - Opened box of Ziploc Bags next to Ranch Dressing.
Clue #9 - Cookie dough residue on the floor by the refrigerator. Note to self: Cookie dough squishing between the toes, not so awesome.

So, based on these clues this is what I gathered - I took a shower at some point, which included washing my hair and my armpits. At least in an intoxicated state I can recognize that hygiene is very important. Bonus point for me.

I slept in the living room, so my final thought for the night probably went something like this "Bed to far away. Can't make it. Must sleep now. Recliner so very comfortable." Makes sense to me.

Boone's Farm I didn't even know you were living in my refrigerator at this time. You sneaky devil you. You must have somehow convinced me to hang out while waiting on the pizza.

Harry Potter Legos coupled with the Xbox controller, I must have went on a He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (aka Lord Voldemort) killing spree. This is fairly common even when sober, as I like punching little Lego men and watching them fly across the screen. It's the little things in life, you know.

I did, indeed, eat the pizza - with Ranch - and then proceeded to put the remaining pieces in the refrigerator for later yummy consumption. Can't be mad at that situation. Win for me.

Now, this part is where it gets interesting - I have lost the cookie dough.

That's right, it is gone. Now, you would think that maybe I ate it all - well, I was not okay with this scenario seeing as it was a new package, and I'm fairly certain a lot of bathroom time would have played out with that case. Alfred could do nothing but laugh at me, although he was fairly sad since he was really interested in some cookies at this point.

I looked through the refrigerator at least 3 times. I did the same with the freezer, even our deep freeze outside. I tried to retrace my steps, but well, by this point you know that I had no clue as to what steps I even took. So, I did what any sane person would do - I looked through all our cabinets - in the kitchen AND in the bathroom. Since, earlier I had deduced that I took a shower, I thought this was feasible. But to no avail, we were cookie doughless.
Hours passed.

Lillie came home. We played, we laughed - however, there was no cookies in this young girls life. Only crumbs.

That evening, as I was picking up, I went into our guest room to grab some scrapbook materials and low and behold - the cookie dough! Encased in a Ziploc bag (I must have double timed that with the pizza).

So, let it be said - Nancy Drew - you ain't got crap on Tamara Lehmann: Saturday Night Mysteries.

*Okay, there's a few exceptions - mostly drinking and driving. That is in no way okay.

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