Black Friday 2012

I can’t figure out how to start this post. Like, should I be all “OMG I GOT SO MUCH STUFF” (I didn’t) or “OMG WTF IS UP WITH THE 8PM START TIME” (but seriously, wtf, right?) I just don’t know where to start. So, this blah blah blahing seemed appropriate I guess. Hey, I never promised I was a ‘real’ writer.

We’ve actually been Black Fridaying it up for years now. And by we, I mean Alfred’s sisters/family and I. The first year I went I bought nothing. I was like 20 and had no money. And then the second year I bought a shirt. Yes, you read that right. A shirt. I woke up at 3am to buy a shirt. Lame. But something magical happened that following year, and I found my groove. I learned to look over the ads, to focus my time on items we truly wanted & make a game plan. We’ve gone with as little as 4 people to as many as 8. We’ve used walkie-talkies, we’ve loaded down 3+ vehicles, we’ve drank our fair share of margarita’s and we’ve all complained our little hearts out that we’d never do this again knowing full well it’s a lie.

Black Friday gets a bad rap because some people are fuckfaces and can’t control themselves. Like if they don’t get that $78 television their life is going to end. We don’t play that game. We go for the fun, we go for the laughs, we go to [hopefully] score some good deals, but if we don’t – no worries, we’ll get’em next year. And this year was no different.

We started out like we normally do – scouring the ads looking for our most wanted items. The picture is blurry because we’re just that fast at finding the best deals. Also, my SIL wants to remind you to have peace where ever you may be.

I only had one goal. A trampoline. And it was right there in Wal-Mart’s fancy ad ready for some sweet, sweet Tam loving at 8pm on Thanksgiving night. I do think it’s pretty lame that the sales are starting earlier & earlier. But it obviously didn’t stop me. Last year we decided to go to a much larger Wal-Mart for our Black Friday needs and it was ri-dic-ulous. People were literally fighting over sheets. People were elbowing, shoving & screaming. It was madness. So, we opted to stick to the lesser known [but well known to me – I gots the hookup] hometown Wal-Mart this year. We showed up around 5:45pm just to scope out the layout of the store. Get our plan into action & whatnot. When I walked in, there were 13 trampolines available – 3 of them were already occupied. I decided to look around a little [Steam Mop bitches!] and when I came back about 10 minutes later – 2 more people were hovering over my beloved trampoline. So, I did what any logical person would do – I put my hand on one of the boxes, proclaimed that this particular trampoline was my bitch & sneered at anyone who got close to me. I stayed that way until nearly 8pm. And then at 7:57pm the madness ensued. Someone started cutting off the plastic wrap and the game was motherfuckin on.Because I had such a huge purchase (literally, the box was huge) I had to ask the store to help me load it so, I was stuck in one spot waiting. But no worries, as my amazing SIL’s raced through the store to grab their items and mine as well, as I hovered over everything like a momma bear protecting her cub. I may or may not have attempted to slap someone’s hand who reached for my pile. We finally managed to get out of the Wal-Mart line by about 9:15pm only to get back into it at 10pm for some separate sales that started at that time. Nothing for me, but I did do my fair share of running around for other items while the SIL’s stood in their $78 television line (which they both totally got). I managed to score a wireless printer for our friend Karri who came down to shop with us from the Austin area.

Once we were safely out of the store, we loaded up our goodies and made our way to Waco (it’s about a 30 minute drive) to get settled into our hotel and see what other store shenanigans we needed to get into. We had to get a little energy though, and what better way to do that than grab a bag of popcorn.

I think we all pretty much got everything we were hoping for, so from this point on – we were just going to go. Which made it nice, but then we totally ended up losing that adrenaline rush we live for. You know, where you wait in line, counting the people ahead of you, staring at your watch as the seconds go down and then the door opens and the mad dash begins.

Totally exhilarating.

After our popcorn, we hit up some Kohl’s but dudes, that line was ridiculous. I mean this picture doesn’t do it justice. Those are people 4-5 wide and wrapped all the way around the end of the block. We stood in line for 15 minutes and it wasn’t even over with before we got in the store. Luckily, they have a pretty good system and the wait to check-out didn’t take very long at all. In the meantime, My Emilie was doing some shopping of her own and helped us out by grabbing a few things from Toys ‘R’ Us. She’s a rock star. I can’t believe she managed to get all that. If any of you shop, you know Toys ‘R’ Us is pure madness. Here’s a horrible picture of the line from Toys ‘R’ Us last year where I stood in line alone for like 3 hours before I even made it into the store.At some point we were done wandering around everywhere and headed back to the hotel, where everyone ended up falling asleep…except me. We didn’t really have anywhere to be until 5am and had a couple of hours to kill, so why not, right? I mean, that’s why we got a hotel. I did accidentally fall asleep mid-tweet without realizing it though for nearly 20 minutes. Luckily, I had set my alarm on my phone just in case. I know, I know, I’m a genius.

I dropped my SIL, Chrisa, off at Academy & I headed to Home Depot. My Emilie was actually at the front of the line ready to go buttfuck crazy on a fool for her Christmas Tree, but I believe in etiquette and refused to attempt to ‘cut’. Especially after my reaction to a couple trying to do that last year. Besides, what I was grabbing wasn’t a must. It was just a hope. I’d mention it, but the husband’s friends potentially read this blog. Le sigh, am I right? I know it must be killing you. Props out to Home Depot though – they had someone handing out store maps where you could see where all the items on sale were located at. I knew exactly where to run too. They were also giving out hot chocolate. I was in and out of there in 15 minutes.

I headed back to Academy to help Chrisa with what she wanted and somehow managed to walk by an item that I wanted 3 times without realizing it. And no, it wasn’t hidden. It was right there on an end cap with a big white sign. Although, to be fair it was camouflage – so maybe it was kind of hidden? Anyway, at this point I had 20 minutes of sleep in the past 24 hours and still looked like a model…of horror. Okay, kids, now this is something you will only encounter once a year on a magical day called Black Friday. Do not be alarmed by the bags under her eyes, the fro on her head or the look on her face. She’s just what we call a hot mess.

Say it with me now kids – HOT MESS.

We wasted too much time in Academy getting something that (once again) I should not mention because it may possibly give away the surprise. I doubt it, but I don’t want to be the cause of hatred during the upcoming Christmas celebrations.

We headed to the mall after the Academy debacles where a coveted (not nearly as much as the trampoline though) pool table was in the mix. We walked out empty handed, but I was much warmer after scoring a purple $20 pea coat. As I typed purple I thought ewww, but it’s cute, guys. I swear.

From there we managed to go back to Kohl’s. I don’t even remember for what – other than to maybe look around and see if anyone dropped anything off with a last minute change of their mind. Which we also did when we went to Target. You’d be surprised at what you can find stuffed in the aisles leading up to the check-out area. I found a few stocking stuffers, so basically wasting my money on things that we’ll throw away in about 3 weeks.

Overall, it was a really great Black Friday. I was able to spend time & laugh with my sister-in-laws, get a few great gifts & not worry one bit about my daughter. (She was with her Granny & Pap Paw playing with her cousins – she had a blast!) I think what kind of threw it off for us was we pretty much all got what we wanted at our first stop, Wal-Mart. Everything else was just kind of there for the heck of it. Also, with stores already open and waiting for us it took away that rush of running through the doors. Last year, when I got my Christmas Tree from Home Depot, I managed to snake my way through the crowds and grab the second to last one. It was fantastic.

I’m never as skinny as I am on Black Friday, dodging and weaving my way through crowds – I’m like a ferret. Or a cat. Let’s go with less ferret and more cat. They smell better.

So, #TeamTamara is retired for 2012, but is already looking forward to 2013! You know, as long as we’re not all dead or in the zombie apocalypse because of the Mayan calendar.