WW – Week 6 – Emotional Eating

Week 6: December 1 – December 7

Original Weight: 197.6

Week 6 Starting Weight: 191.4 lbs
Current Weight: 191.8 lbs
Weekly Weight Loss/Gain: +.4 lbs

Total weight Loss: –5.8 lbs

Current Goal: 183.7 lbs

I gained again this week. Unlike last week though, I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it. And honestly? It’s probably less about the number increase and more about my lack of self-control when it comes to food. Specifically when that food becomes tied to my emotions.

Growing up we were poor. Mom raised 3 children on a waitress’ salary which is hard enough but then throw in the fact that she was dealing with her own demons (alcoholism and a smoker), we just did not have the disposable income in our life to have say, sodas on hand to drink whenever we wanted. Those were special moments and trust me, they were never name brand. Even going to McDonald’s was a luxury for us.

I am not ashamed of my childhood. My mother did the best she could with what she had. I always knew I was loved but I also was very aware of our social status in comparison with my friends/classmates. Especially when I hit middle school and things like name-brand shoes were popular and shopping at Goodwill was not.

When I started making my own money and could essentially afford a $6 meal deal from Sonic – I did (and I did it a lot). It somehow (and still does on occasion) makes me feel like I’ve stepped into a higher social class. It feels good knowing I can provide my daughter with more than what I had growing up.

I know it sounds silly but having the option/the ability to eat whatever the hell I want to reminds me of everything I didn’t have growing up and how much I do have now in comparison. It’s a positive reinforcement that I’m on the right track – at least in the sense of providing for my family.

When I start to limit that or recognize that I’m limiting it (no matter that it’s because I want to a better version of myself) it’s like my brain is all “FUCK THAT. You have worked hard, you deserve to eat that 1500 calorie burger.” And I listen. Because it makes sense to me.

When I type it out it sounds ridiculous. I’m also a people pleaser and sometimes that even makes it hard for me to tell myself no, even when I know I won’t like the future outcome.

I hope this doesn’t come off as one big excuse. It’s not. I know it’s my fault that I chose to binge eat that cookie dough, I could have walked away but I didn’t. There’s a consequence to every action and apparently this week it was a gain. All I can do is try to be better this week.

Last week goals:
*Prepare lunches/snacks for the weekdays – did it! Didn’t hit the vending machine once.
*Track my food on Saturday & Sunday – did it! It didn’t seem to help since I was being all emotional about shit but hey, it’s a start.

Weekly Personal Goal:
*Focus on my goal every time I feel myself falling down the rabbit hole of Oreos.

WW – Week 4 & 5

I didn’t post last Monday due to the awesomeness of being on vacation for Thanksgiving. My priority was not to blog and instead do things like do laundry & play with my kid. I did, however, still weigh in.

Week 4: November 17 – November 23

Original Weight: 197.6
Week 4 starting weight: 191.4
Current Weight: 191
Weekly Weight Loss: –.04 lbs

Total Weight Loss: – 6.6 lbs

Our water heater busted this week, which flooded the flooring in our kitchen, living room & hallway so we put new flooring in. It totally messed up my planning & instead of working around it, I used it as an excuse and didn’t put in the effort with my food choices as I should have. I was actually pretty surprised to even see a loss.

Scraping up carpet & tile is some serious business. Even Lillie got in on the action. (Actually she asked to watch television and we told her this was way more fun than that! I don’t think she quite believed us but she was a trooper anyhow.)

Alfred laid most of the flooring, I left Friday morning with just a small portion of the hallway done and came back that evening after work to everything done except maybe a 3x15 foot section. It was like walking into a whole new house. Even Lillie said, “Oh wow” when we stepped through the door.

Also, for anyone who ever decides to rip out their own carpet – you will be amazed at how gross it is underneath. We even found a Big Red stain underneath it that happened a few years ago that wasn’t visible from the top of the carpet.

We decided last year that we were really going to start making our home ours and updating it in the way we want. We moved in around 8 years ago but have always toyed with the idea of building our own home so kind of let things go. With Alfred starting his own business and investing money/time into that, building our own home just doesn’t carry the same interest to us as it did before. Our dreams have shifted. I’m excited for the changes we have planned.

On to Week 5!

Week 5: November 24 – November 30

Original Weight: 197.6 lbs

Week 5 Starting Weight: 191 lbs
Current Weight: 191.4
Weekly Weight Loss/Gain: +.4 lbs

Total Weight Loss: –6.2 lbs

*Current Goal:183.7 lbs*
Ultimate Goal: 155 lbs

Since starting Weight Watchers this is my first gain. I felt a little indifferent about it. Probably because I know it’s my fault. I let the week get away from me by not planning and my activity was low. Straight up, I’m the only one to blame for it and I knew it was coming. I’m happy it wasn’t more but now that I think about it – it sucks that I’m back where I was two weeks ago. I’m hoping that this week back at work I can get into my routine to keep me on track.

Weekends are the hardest for me since there’s no real structure – and with Thanksgiving traveling and family time, I just ate what I wanted when I wanted. I also drank a few more calories than probably necessary but to be fair, I did stay up for 39 hours straight Black Friday shopping so drinking a few Coke’s was the only way that happened.

Also, gummy worms. Gummy worms helped that happen.

Goals for this week:

*Prepare lunches/snacks for the weekdays
*Track my food on Saturday & Sunday

Officially been awake for over 24 hours now. #blackfriday #hashtagwow

A photo posted by Tamara Lehmann (@tamara0827) on Nov 11, 2014 at 5:06am PST

Runners Tell All: #1 Running Fan

Linking up with Amanda & Beka for the second-to-last Runners Tell All link-up to share a little bit about my #1 Running Fan.

Which would be lovely if I felt like I had a #1 Running Fan. Other than myself of course. You could probably save the hassle of reading this post if you’ve already read Kate’s – we’re pretty much in the same boat. I never felt like a “real” runner when I started (and sometimes still), so I just never forced running onto others. I was just like, okay, I’m going to run and that’s that.

Most of my races have been solo. It’s not that I don’t have supportive people in my life but none of them are runners, so the idea of them standing out in the weather for 30 minutes to 6 hours (hi non-marathon!) just to cheer me on for 30 seconds seemed kind of selfish. I mean, honestly, I’m not breaking any records here.

My husband is probably the most constant (because he has to deal with hearing about running way more than any non-runner should) and my best friend, Emilie, a very close second. She’s actually done a few 5ks with me.

And I guess my daughter. But to be fair, she thinks she’s the fastest human in the world right now so my running is pretty slow motion for her. Unless there is a park available near the start line, she’s not around to cheer me on. She does know when my Mizuno’s are on though, it’s about to go down. Which makes me pretty proud.

Both Alfred & Emilie have been amazing while I’ve ventured into this world of running but the people that get it, the people that are there when I need a mental boost and understand – are you guys. Abbey, Kate, Amanda, Katie, and Amanda are people who I could chat with about running & fitness all days if I could. The blogging community has been monumental in what I’ve accomplished and in what I hope to accomplish in this upcoming year. I don’t know if these people I’ve mentioned are actual “fans” but they’re certainly people who support the hell out of me & I love them for it.

WW- Week 3

 

Week 3: November 10 – November 16

Original Weight: 197.6 lbs

Week 3 Starting Weight: 193 lbs
Current Weight: 191.4 lbs
Weekly Weight Loss: – 1.6 lbs

Total Weight Loss: –6.2 lbs

*Current Goal: 183.7 lbs*
Ultimate Goal: 155 lbs

Confession: I didn’t track my food Saturday & Sunday.

Bonus confession: It was totally planned.

The husband & I decided to take ourselves a little mini-vacation (no kid!) I decided early on in the week that I wanted to enjoy the experience as opposed to worrying about what I was (or wasn’t) eating the entire time. I told myself throughout the week to stick to my food plan, if I was hungry to reach for something filling and not just convenient, because on Saturday I could choose whatever I wanted – guilt-free.

It worked! I tracked everything throughout the week early on in the day, my lunches were planned & accounted for & I focused on my food slumps throughout the week. (2:30-3:00 pm is when my “munchie” clock goes off apparently). I thought I would weigh myself Friday morning, just to see where I stood and it was 189.8 lbs. I knew it wouldn’t be that low when I weighed in this morning because well, nachos were on my mini-vacation agenda, but I felt really good about that number.

Like, wow, eating (mostly) quality food that satisfies me in the long-term actually does work. I never felt hungry last week or deprived. I had two really great runs – that should not have felt as easy as they did because my actual running in the past few months has been sporadic at best – and I really feel like that is because of what I’ve been putting into my body.

I ran today after my weekend of not-as-good-choices and I could really tell I was struggling much more (even though the mileage was about the same).

I did make better choices than I normally would have over the weekend but I was still able to enjoy myself. I had margaritas, French fries, & nachos. But I also had grilled chicken, water, & the best steamed asparagus ever. When I was full, I put my fork down. I didn’t eat with the mind-set of “I’m on vacation, why not?” I ate from a place of “That sounds good, I’ll have it.”

I didn’t lose as much weight this past week as I potentially could have (as evidenced by my unofficial weigh-in on Friday) but I am starting to rely less on food being the main course in my life and instead letting it be just be the side dish. For so long, it seemed like everything was surrounded by what we’re having for dinner, and what or where are we going to eat, etc. I want my focus to be on what I’m doing and not what I’m eating or planning on eating. I think I’m moving in the right direction.

I don’t know how many of you guys are actually reading this but if you have any questions about the Weight Watchers program or just about me in general, feel free to ask.

Miracle Match 2015 Training Shenanigans

This was my first week back into half-marathon training. I’ve been out of the running long distance game for what seems like forever. I have done a couple of 5ks over the past few months but the last time I ran anything longer than 3.1 miles was in April (just a few short weeks after my failed marathon.)

After devoting so much time to running over the past few years, I think I got a little burned out. I told myself that when I start running again, I want to do quality over quantity. I mean, last year I ran 14 races. FOURTEEN. I never really got much better/faster even though that’s something I kept saying I wanted. I’m pretty sure it was because I refused to focus my energy on one race. Instead, I was all like I WANT ALL THE RACES AND I WANT THEM NOW. It was fun though.

Also, race registrations can be expensive and with the starting of Alfred’s business, I’ve been a little more conservative in my spending.  When I chose my next long-distance race I wanted to devote some quality running to it.

So, what race did I choose?

Miracle Match 5k & Half-Marathon 2015!

I ran this last year as part of my marathon training. I love the course, it’s practically in my backyard & you get extra swag for running the 5k on Saturday, then the half on Sunday. I do love me some swag. (Also, this was my first ever 5k five years ago, so it holds a special place in my heart.)

But to make this even more exciting I’m actually going to meet Amanda from The Lady Okie. I plan on giving her a wonderfully awkward hug & forcing her to take fake running selfie’s with me.

Here is my tentative training schedule. This is fairly fluid, depending on what’s going on in my life I’m up to being flexible as long as I end up getting my long runs in. We shall see.

On the speed/tempo days I’m just going to use my Jeff Galloway running app. It will tell me exactly what to do and when. I’m clueless when it comes to actually getting faster, so I’m just going to trust he knows what he’s talking about and take it from there.

Moj days are whatever she sets up for us. Sometimes that’s a 40 minute burpee session, other times it’s a 40 minute stair workout. She likes to make me swear & sweat. I like her for putting up with my snarky attitude. Win/Win.

Rest/Lift days are just that. If running is wearing me out, I’ll take a rest day. If I feel up to a weight lifting day, I’ll pop open my BodySpace app and get some dead lifts in.

I’m excited to see how this training schedule will work with my WeightWatchers. I’ve never actually lost weight on a running plan (EAT ALL THE FOODS) and it will be interesting to see if it can be done.

(I know it can but dude, running has the ability to make the best of us HANGRY, so yeah.)

Any races in your future?!

WW – Week 2

I’m still trying to figure out how I want to format these posts – so, things may change up weekly until I get it down but the information should stay relatively the same.

Week 2: November 3 -November 9

Original Weight:197.6 lbs

Week 2 Starting Weight: 195.2 lbs
Current Weight: 193 lbs
Weekly Weight Loss: -2.2 lbs

Total weight loss: –4.6 lbs

*Current Goal: 183.7 lbs*
Ultimate Goal: 155 lbs

I am also going to add my measurements - just as another form of progress. I forgot to include them on last weeks post & I re-measured this morning just because, so this is a 2 weeks difference but my plan is to only update monthly.

	10/27/2014	11/10/2014	Change (+/-)
Hips:	44	43	-1 in
Waist:	34	33	-1 in
Bust:	39	39	0
Rt. Thigh:	27.5	27.5	0
Lt. Thigh:	27	27	0
Rt. Arm:	12.5	12.5	0
Lt. Arm:	12	12	0
Total loss:			-2 inches

I feel good about this past week. Although, right now when I get on the scale it doesn’t really feel like a loss. Since these pounds are ones I’ve lost once and have now regained, it doesn’t feel really that special as it did the first time. I can feel myself saying it doesn’t really matter, I shouldn’t have gained it back in the first place, and why even bother. Which is ridiculous. I made an active effort this week to clean up my food & consciously made good decisions, so I should be celebrating staying on track.

I’ve heard & read people knocking Weight Watchers because it doesn’t really teach you how to eat – it gives you points and you use them how you want. You want to spend 20 points on McDonald’s Angus Mushroom & Swiss Hamburger, go right on ahead. Sure, let’s add large fries for 14 points and just eat nothing for the rest of the day.

Technically, you can lose weight doing that. But I think those people who are using it in that way are setting themselves up for failure & really not interested in changing their life anyway. They want a quick fix & then it gives the program a bad name. You could probably say the same for other programs – Paleo, Atkins, etc. If you cheat the system, it’s probably not going to work long-term for you. You have to be willing to recognize & take responsibility for what you’re doing wrong and then figure out how you will overcome it.

Mine is my diet. I feel like I eat okay – which means I probably do not at all. I snack a lot and while I really do enjoy vegetables/fruits I’m more prone to reaching for a bag of chips than an apple. It seems more convenient and so much more satisfying.

So, I’m really trying to focus on cleaning up my diet so that this a sustainable change. I’m not going balls to the wall right away (that in the past has been a recipe for disaster). It’s just that once I reach my goal, I know I’m going to have to figure out how to maintain – and if I can work on that while I reach towards my goal, I think I will be in a much better place than that of complete restriction.

I actually had a Jack-in-the-Box burger & curly fries last week because I simply could not get them out of my head. I figured if I wanted them that bad, why not, so I did – and they were wonderful. I still managed to lose because the rest of my food for the week was mostly lean meats, vegetables & fruits. I’ve been working on not eye-balling things either. Like if I track a tbsp of peanut butter, it’s actually a tablespoon. It’s been a little eye-opening to me this past week in regards to my portions.

In fitness related news, I attended my orientation for Team Beef last night & officially started half-marathon training today! I’ll share more about that in a separate post later this week.

Also, if you’re not already following Holly from My Own Kind of Beautiful, check her out & give her some love. She’s a runner but is just starting weight lifting – and I can’t wait to see her progress!

The Best Possible Me

One of the things I’ve learned about myself in the past 6 weeks is that I stress eat. I don’t even realize I’m  doing it half the time. I mean, I know that I am eating I just don’t realize how much I’m eating.

Bluntly put - I have gained back what I had previously lost over the past couple of years with running & exercise. I’ve been able to maintain that weight loss but with the over-eating & the under-exercising, it crept up on me & while I will never equate my self-worth with the weight on the scale I do hate the feeling of sucking in while buttoning up my pants.

I think one of my biggest issues with actually losing weight is that I like myself. I look at my body and I’m proud of what it has done for me & what it continues to do for me. I have come a long way from the girl who couldn’t jog 30 feet without her heart flying from her chest. And then I think, why would I want to lose weight when I can enjoy my life just the way I am? I can run for miles, I can zip up my pants, I have wonderful friends & family – why can’t I enjoy that extra piece of cake? And so I do. And I never really lose weight. I go up & down within a 10 lb frame over a course of a couple months & I’ve really only learned how to maintain.

Well, until I un-learned it by stress-eating.

My problem is not moving more. I can settle into a routine & be good to go, my problem is what I eat & the amount of it that I eat. I’ve tried entering food into My Fitness Pal & while it is a wonderful tool & helped me see what I’m doing, it does not hold me accountable. I see I’ve lost 3 lbs, I think I need a treat for doing so, then I’m right back where I started.

I guess the whole you can’t out train a bad diet mantra is true. Sigh.

Before I had Lillie, I lost about 30 lbs doing Weight Watchers. I was successful because I was being held accountable by others (and because I was paying for it!) – this was before they rebooted the program with the different point system. I tried doing it right after the reboot (and right after Lillie) but my mind was so confused with the new & old system, I gave it up. Then, I found running and well, losing weight wasn’t at the top of my list because I was just focusing on establishing a running routine.

I received an email offering 50% off for 3 months with WW online. I signed up and have been on it for a week. I did really well the first part of the week, then the weekend & Halloween candy extravaganza happened. After my weigh-in this morning, I thought perhaps to hold myself even more accountable I should blog about it. While I’m sure this won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, I plan on posting every Monday where I’m at and what my plans/goals are for the week. And whatever I may be struggling with or thinking about.

I promise they all won’t be this long. Or…well, never mind I won’t promise that. I get wordy sometimes. (Clearly.)

So, here goes.

Week 1: October 27-November 2

Starting Weight: 197.6 lbs
Current Weight: 195.2 lbs
Weekly Weight Loss: -2.4 lbs

My ultimate goal weight is 155 lbs. I can recall being comfortable at the weight years ago & based on my height, it is a reasonable long term goal. However, that is a lot of weight to focus on, so I’ll be focusing on 5% of my body weight at a time (this is WW recommendation & to be honest, makes it a lot less scary.) I would really like to start my 30s (next August!) being the best possible version of myself I can be.

Current Goal Weight: 183.7 lbs

Once I reach this point, I’ll reward myself with something (not sure yet what, but it won’t be food) – likely a pair of shoes. Because, duh, shoes. 

Next week, I’ll plan on laying out my training plan schedule (I have to figure it out) because I have a half-marathon I would like to complete kill at the end of January 2015.