Dreaming of Lillie

Yesterday morning I sat on the edge of the bed, staring into a closet full of clothes hoping something would jump out and say "Try me on, I'll surely fit!" but knowing deep in my heart that I'll still only be able to wear the same 4 shirts at this point. So my staring was doing nothing but passing the time I'd have to give myself the ol' heave ho off the bed to waddle into the bathroom to do my hair (the one thing I have actually been able to have control over for the past 40 weeks) when Alfred started talking.

Al: I had a dream about her last night.
Me: Was she awesome?
Al: Oh, she had the best personality! She didn't want me to put her down, she just kept crawling all over me. Every time I'd try and set her down she'd crawl right back up on me! 
Me: <laughing> I knew she was awesome.

It was one of those genuinely awesome moments that really carried me on through the day. Alfred was so happy talking about her and the dream, he just lit up. I can't wait to be able to make him a full-fledged dad...now if only we could get Lillie on that bandwagon.

Update on that situation : She was supposed to be here Monday the 8th. It's now the 10th and she's holding on to my uterus like it's a lifesaver. The 17th has been set as the induction date (unless she comes sooner, baby Jesus willing) - so at least I know for sure I'll only be pregnant for the next week which is the only thought that is keeping me sane at this point.

Potato Skins

One of the most amazing things about our marriage is we've found that great middle ground that allows us to laugh at each other and recognize that some things would just be silly to fight over. Potato skins, for one, are definitely something to laugh about.

Sunday night, I wanted to cook dinner and homemade hamburgers sounded like a wonderful idea. Alfred offered to actually go into town to buy something because he knows how miserable I've been feeling lately, but I was pretty determined to make hamburgers. You could see the relief in his eyes.

I defrosted the meat, placed it in a bowl, seasoned it and left it on the counter as I turned around to start heating the oil for the french fries. Being the sweetheart he is, Alfred had offered to peel and slice the potatoes soon after that.

A few moments later, I turned around for my meat bowl to make the patties but to my dismay, it wasn't there. I checked our counter space, I stared into the refrigerator, I re-checked the counter. Finally,  I simply just stood there hands on my back with my 39 weeks pregnant belly heaving in bewilderment as to where in the world my hamburger meat could have went. Alfred notices (I mean, it's hard not to notice a heaving pregnant belly) and asks what's going on. I walk up to him to explain while he's peeling the potatoes...

directly into my meat bowl.

He had no idea, he just assumed it was empty while watching television and I had put it in front of him for that very reason - to peel the potatoes in. I couldn't control the laughter, especially as he sadly said,

"Babe, would it just be better if I sat down instead?"

It's not very often when a grown man feels defeated by potato skins and that fact alone just made it all the more amazing.

And for the record, they were probably the best damn hamburgers I've ever made.

Lillie's Playlist

I like music. A lot.


Now, can I listen to a song and name the artist, title, release date, favorite food of the drummer? Nope, not even close. That's what Google is for. But can I listen to a song and jam like it's nobodies business? You bet your butt I can. I mean, I dressed up in a mullet last weekend just to play guitar hero. (Which I totally recommend by the way!)

I'm a huge fan of musicals (Chicago, Grease, Hairspray, Rocky Horror, etc), country music, and pop tunes, which is what my iPod is continually being charged with. I love the way it makes you feel, especially those tunes that transport you back to a better time or a memory that you just love.
 
The band Everclear always takes me back to middle school. 
The song Who I Am reminds me of my sister. Every.single.time it comes on the radio I have to text her.
Aerosmith IS my mom. 

Music calms me. It helps me. Whenever I work out, music is what pushes me to that next level. Which is why I think it needs to be an essential part of Lillie's birth. Which is why I've started a Lillie's playlist that will be in effect during my delivery and probably afterwards. I haven't completely filled it up yet, but I'm excited to see what song she'll make her debut with. Something for the baby book, if you will. 


Listed below are just a *few* selections that it could be - 

• Don't Stop Believing - Journey
• I Touch Myself - The Divinyls
• Crazy - Aerosmith
• Oops! I Did It Again - Britney Spears
• When You're Good to Mama - Chicago Soundtrack
• So Much for the Afterglow - Everclear

I'll probably post the entire playlist at some point. Unless, I'm lucky enough to go into labor in the next 48 hours, then you're just out of luck there buddy. 

Also, if you have a suggestion that you think Ms Lillie Mae should be born into feel free to let me know. If it happens to be that one, you'll totally be in her baby book as the person who suggested her birth song! 

Making Progress

I've found that being pregnant isn't just something for you and your partner only to share. It's often times expected to be something you simply have to share with the world. Strangers in the elevators glancing at ever increasing belly, men leaning into their wives at the grocery stores whispering and nodding in your direction, the laying of hands on the tummy, the judgemental looks as you buy an 18 pack of Bud Light at 9 months pregnant for your husband - is nothing is out of reach for any member of society to comment on when you're pregnant?

I'm not saying it isn't a joyous time and shouting it from the rooftops is ridiculous (when we became pregnant before I was ready to tell anyone Alfred pretty much did just that). I'm just saying that no part of your body is yours once you invest it into carrying a child. Which leads me to one of the most intimate parts of your body and the sharing that's expected.

Dilation.

Really, It's weird when you think about pregnant women telling people how dilated they are. Don't roll your eyes, just stick with me here for a second. You're asking some very, very intimate details of someone's nether regions. I mean, do you ever just go up to a non-pregnant person and ask them how their cervix is doing? 

With that being said, let's get intimate people.

2 weeks ago - I was dilated to a 1.
Last week -  Still a 1, but effaced 50%.
This week - 1 1/2 to a 2, still effaced 50%.

What's that mean - it means I'm slowly but surely making progress to pushing out Lillie Mae on my own come November 8. So, no complaints other than sometimes I need to really learn how to filter the words that come out of my mouth.

Doctor : It seems to be a little looser, so I'd say..
Me: (mumbling) Well, isn't that what every girl just wants to hear.

Sarah, my favorite nurse, finds this incredibly funny.

Doctor: No, I mean you're 1 1/2 to a 2. 
Me: Yeah, I knew what you meant...So we're good?
Doctor: Yep, we'll see you next week.


<END SCENE>

Smarter than a 5th grader? Try being smarter than a car seat!

I have never been a "baby freak"; sure I do the obligatory oohhhs and ahhhs that accompany seeing them yawn or open their eyes or smirk because they're pooping. I'm not denying the adorableness of babies, because let's face it - they're just damn cute - I only figured I shouldn't get wrapped up in such cuteness until I was ready to have one of my own. You know, in case I became one of those teens on Maury who are convinced they can handle a baby of their own at 12 because they want something to do.

Well, because of this thought process I never concerned myself with holding a newborn, changing a diaper or for this post - installing a car seat. I've had no practice at being a mom. Unless you count babying Alfred, and well, when I met him he could wipe his own butt so not entirely the same thing. I never even babysat growing up. 

So, last night when I decided that it was time to put Lillie's car seat in my truck, I didn't think much of it. I mean, how hard could it be really? I had already prepped my truck by getting it cleaned and detailed last Friday. And just because the only instructions I had that accompanied my car seat were in Spanish that should be no cause for concern, there were some pictures so I should be good, right? 

WRONG.

I wrestled with trying to figure it out on my own for a good 30 minutes, followed by another 30 of trying to find instructions online through my phone, which was then followed by eye make up smeared across my cheeks because I was staring so intensely at the tiny print convinced that I was missing something. 

I'd do something that looked right, step back, give it a shake and it'd topple over. I'd reread the direcciones español, sigh, and try again. Finally, I'm certain I have it set correctly so I clap my hands, proclaim to the skies that I'm triumphant and that those she-demons who created car seats could never best me. 

Thinking I had the last laugh as I was driving to work this morning - okay, I'll admit it I was a little cocky about it -  wasn't it a nice surprise as I peered in my rear view mirror to find a fancy little car seat just rolling across the back seat. 

You may have won this time she-demons but I have instructions in English now, and you don't stand a chance.

37 Weeks and Counting

Officially 37 weeks today.

Officially over being pregnant.

Officially scared to death of being a mom. 

Last night as I was trying to roll/scoot out of the recliner Alfred looked over at me and said:

Al: Are you ready to have her?

Me: Yes. <pause> Well, I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore. To actually have her, I just don't know. 

Al: Yeah, me too.

I don't think it's so much the fact that we're about to become parents, because it's something we both wanted and waited for and have alluded to in talks for years,  but it's more about the change. The change in dynamic we share as a couple is about to be uprooted with a whole other person and it's the unknown that has us questioning ourselves.

One of the most amazing things I've found throughout this pregnancy is that although we question ourselves, we have seem to have unwavering faith in the other as a parent. It really does make the unknown a little more bearable when you have someone you trust completely standing beside you bring you up.

So, here's to 3 more weeks of small panic attacks, struggling to find shirts that don't stop at my belly button, and moments of solitude. I keep hearing those may be a little more difficult to find once Lillie gets here.

Family Portraits

Tuesday nights from 7 to 8pm you are guaranteed to find me sitting in the recliner, eyes glued to the television watching the newest episode of Glee. Nothing else matters. Lillie already knows that she has to wait for commercials for potty breaks. We don't watch a lot of TV, hell, we don't even have cable, but this is one show that I just cannot miss. I'm something of geek when it comes to music and singing. Probably due to the fact that my actual singing voice resembles a penguin gargling sardines, so it's something that's just a bit out of reach for me but a girl can't help but dream. And it doesn't stop me from jamming though. Actually, right now I'm definitely working Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now."


After Glee a new series comes on called Raising Hope. It's about a dysfunctional family who inherits a newborn, Hope, and all the fun with that. Last night's episode showed their family trying to get family portraits done throughout the years and how awkward and miserable everyone looked in them.Something very similar to this hilarious website - http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/ . If you have time and want a good giggle, check it out.

I'm almost certain that I'm going to make Alfred and Lillie participate in planned awkward photo sessions. Lillie won't have a say in it, since well, she can't talk but her photo albums that we'll show her future boyfriends is going to be embarrassingly awesome. I can't wait to bust those albums out while Alfred ensures he's adequately scared by telling him this (this is a true quote, he told me this was his plan yesterday when Lillie starts dating) -
"You just remember whatever you do to my little girl - I'm going to do right back to you twice as hard."

Oh man, parenting is going to rock.

Welcome!

So, my intention is to use this blog to keep family and friends updated on our life, especially with our new little one on the way, Ms Lillie Mae. Who, if God is willing, will make her debut no later than November 8, 2010. I'm sure simply by writing that I've voodooed myself somehow and that she's nestling her way back up to my ribs with an evil giggle and swift kick to my bladder.
*sigh*
Really though, we're so excited to start our family. After 9 years together as a couple, 5 of those married, we figured we were coming into a good time in our life that the thought of a child wasn't nearly as frightening as it was when we were 20 and just married. And hopefully, we won't mess this kid up too bad. We do readily admit we're excited to embarrass her in front of her friends as she grows older and use her dish-washing and laundry skills to the maximum extent.
Hopefully, this won't be our first and last post.

We shall see. We shall see.