Dear Bug

Dear "Bug",
You think you're so clever, don't you? All hiding on doorknobs and catching wind currents from incredibly forceful sneezes/coughs to unsuspecting victims. Don't you have something better to do? Like, oh I don't know, not attack my kid.
I get it, I do. This is your busy time of the year, you're just preparing for the onslaught of victims you will no doubt get all up on during the winter months. But seriously, preparing for it on a 10 month old who doesn't understand what it is to blow her nose? Or why her ears hurt? Or why she sounds like an 80 year old asthmatic chain-smoker of the last 60 years when she coughs?
That's just wrong.
And don't get me started on the sleeping situation we have going on because of your idiotic behavior. Oh, excuse me, I mean lack of a sleeping situation. Hearing my daughter cough so hard it wakes her up is not exactly my idea of a dream, and I'm sure certainly not hers.Why not pick on someone your own size? Or is that what the deal is - you have little man syndrome? Hmm?
I think you just enjoy the way I react to her symptoms. Is it because you know I have an affliction for boogers? Is that why you're making things shoot out of her nose an easy10 foot away - to see my reaction? Because, buddy, you will never see me move faster than when I see a booger come flying at me. I think I'd do better with shooting shit than that.
And who the hell invented those damn booger suckers? What we need is a product that also holds your increasingly independent kid completely still without the possibility of her head moving everywhere that your hand goes. And you know, I have a feeling, you have something to do with that not being on the shelf.
Also, when the hell did my kid get so strong? She kicks like a mule all hopped up on Mountain Dew. And has ways to get out of holds that a professional wrestler would be proud of. I don't know how, but I'm certain your 'bug' like qualities have enhanced these features on my precious baby to near super-human strength.
You make me sick. (Literally and figuratively.)
You're nothing but a bully. You should be ashamed of your behavior. If I knew your mom, you can bet your butt I'd be calling her this.very.minute.
You're lucky that my child loves the taste of her antibiotic. Because if not, then oh honey, this would be on like donkeykong.
Just watch your back. I have Lysol and I know how to use it.
(un)Sincerely (not)yours,
Lillie's Mom 

The 24 Day Challenge

For weeks I've been noticing posts on a friend's facebook that went something like this, 

"Wanna have more energy and feel great or do you wanna drop a few pounds? Inbox me and I'll tell you how!"
"So I'm now down 24 lbs, only 20-25 more to go, I CAN DO THIS!"

Okay, well exactly like that, those are direct quotes. And of course, as a card carrying member of the MTC (Muffin Top Club) I had to inquire as to what in the world she was doing that was obviously so awesome she had to share on facebook.

Her response - Advocare, she explained she was having a mixer at her house and I should come by, but with my Lillie schedule it just wasn't happening and I kind of just forgot about it.
{Mom brain - if it doesn't involve my kid in some fashion, chances are I'm going to forget about it.}

Then I saw her.
And she looked great.
And I was still sucking in.
*sigh*

So, I did what anyone would do - I googled it. I googled the hell out of it. What was it? Is it vitamins? Is it an exercise program? Is it FDA approved? Will I be hanging out on the toilet for the majority of the day? 

And I couldn't find crap about it that wasn't directly related to their website.I was off-put by this fact, and figured well let me just talk to her about it.
And then she did something, something that if you know me know I'm a sucker for - she offered me free samples. She also answered everything I asked and made sure to note that this wasn't just used for weight loss, but also for a healthier lifestyle and a boost in energy.
Yes, it was vitamin supplements. No, it's not an exercise program but it's recommended with the products for maximum results. It's not FDA approved, but it used across the country by sports teams and endorsed by famous sports people I don't know. No, I won't be hanging out the better part of the day on the toilet reading the back of the shampoo bottle for the 17th time. (What the heck is Quaternium-15 anyway?)
So, I thought let me try these samples for the weekend, if I feel a difference in the next 3 days as far as my energy levels go - sure I'll give it a try. All I can do is waste money and seeing as my husband had just bought an automatic skeet thrower, I was due a little bit of cash-trashing.
I decided to try the 24 day challenge and blog about it. So, if it worked I could share the awesomeness with you and if it doesn't work, then you could all point and laugh at me in true Nelson fashion.
I started September 1.

Day 1
I have to take two vitamins and a fiber drink in the morning, and two more vitamins at night. The vitamins, easy peasy. It was this -

the fiber drink I was not able to finish. It was thick and clumpy and not at all like citrus. I thought maybe I was mixing it wrong, or something. I double checked the package - yep, I did it right. But that still doesn't change the fact that it was oh, so wrong.
I wish you could see just how thick it actually is. Near the end of it I actually had to tap the bottom of the bottle to get it to slide forward. Yech. I only have to do this on Days 1-3 and 7-10. Thank the sweet baby Jesus.
I also weighed/measured myself to have a good starting point to compare the 'final results' with.

Day 2
I'm attempting the fiber drink again.

I could only make it this far before my throat tried to close up on me (I'm assuming as a survival mechanism against really horrible stuff because it was fine as I consumed the fruit in the background of the picture).
Everything else is going well. I've not had to make extra trips to the bathroom and I also received a free mixer to hopefully help with the mixing of powdery substance to water.
You know how I feel about free stuff - it totally made up for the fiber fiasco.

Day 3
 I weighed myself. Down 3 lbs. Not sure if it's because I read the shampoo bottle for a little bit today or if this stuff is actually working.
Onward!

Day 4-6
Labor Day weekend is upon us and I pretty much sucked at remembering everything I needed to take, the times I needed to and how to eat healthier. Family came in for my daughter and her cousin's baptism, it was a great weekend for me, but not so much for the 24 day challenge.

Randy, Al, Lillie-kins, me and Vicki. (Lillie's Godparents)

I start again with the fiber drink tomorrow. I am dreading it already, but seeing as I'm still down 3 lbs - I feel it may be a small sacrifice to pay. I do feel a lot more energy but whether it's from their energy powder drink or from these mom-mones (mom hormones) that seem to go into overdrive whenever something needs to be done - we'll see over the next few days since baptism preparation is over with and we can get back into routine. I'll be updating periodically throughout the challenge and will post the final results at the end (inches lost, weight lost - if any).
 I hope you all had a great holiday weekend! 

Trying To Conceive

When you decide to have a baby, it is one of the most frighteningly euphoric feelings you will have. Images of children, no - not any children, your children walking for the first time, saying mom for the first time, the first day of school, the last day of school, a first boyfriend or girlfriend, a first kiss, heartbreaks, school dances, hugs, kisses - a life is born right then.

A life you want to be a part of. And to think it's all possible with this tiny thought, this seemingly small decision to have a baby. It sounds amazing, doesn't it?

Until it's not. Until that pregnancy test says negative time after time. Until friend after friend seem to becoming pregnant at the drop of a pin. Until you can't stand to even look at a thermometer and a temperature chart anymore without getting angry. Until you get jealous at every pregnant person you see walking down the street.

And then the worry sets in. Is there something wrong with me? Will I ever be able to have a kid? Will I disappoint my spouse? My family? My friends? Myself? What if it's not me? Will I be okay with that?

And then the anger. What the hell have I done that's so wrong that I can't be a parent?! What the hell do you mean a mother of 4 just drowned her kids and I can't even have ONE?!

I can't pretend to know what it feels like to go beyond 5 months of actively wanting a baby. But knowing all that I felt during that short amount of time, I can only imagine what it feels like to go months longer, years longer to failed attempt after failed attempt.

And not to mention all the same things you hear throughout -
*it's God's will
*it will happen when it happens
*just keep trying
*well it happened for me on the first try/I didn't have to try at all


And that's not even tipping the scales at the crap people will throw at you to try and make you feel better. When the fact is the only  thing that will provide any relief is seeing that damn positive sign.

But even with all that said I still I want to tell you what I believe with every breath in my body and every fiber of love I have for my daughter Lillie -

You WILL have a baby. You WILL.
Whether you have a baby by 'normal' standards or if you have to look into something as awesome as adoption or fertility treatments, whatever the case is. It WILL happen.
The fact is that God just hasn't found the perfect combination of awesomeness for your beautiful baby. There's so much good out there, so much love, so much beauty - He's having a hard time figuring out how to put all that into such a tiny, beautiful body for you.
But He's working on it. I know He is. Because you deserve it.
You have so much to give, He just wants to make sure He can give you a baby that will know how to give it all back to you in the way that you need.

I was lucky enough to have wonderful people in my life who did nothing but listen to me cry/whine and silently hate all things pregnant and didn't judge me for doing so.

And because of that I hope that in whatever way you find these words - if they apply to you, to your best friend, to your sister, to your brother, to anyone you may know - that they help in some way. Because I'll be forever grateful to those people that helped me.

Life's A Beach

This past weekend Alfred and I celebrated our 6 year anniversary in true Texas style, by heading down to Galveston for the weekend! We didn't want to head to the beach for the first time without our daughter, so we drug her along. Literally.

 

 

Dad tried to play tough, but he couldn't deny how awesome it was to see our baby girl look out into the ocean for the first time..

 

We had a great time  finding shells..and putting them in our mouth as quickly as we could grab them.

. 

 And then playing in the waves and trying to figure out where in the world all the water was coming from.

 

Of course hats are a must in this heat, and my two loves had the best ones on the beach.

 

 

Lillie definitely let us know about the sand once she found it on her toes.

She had a blast, but I think we had even more fun watching her experience it for the first time. She may not remember it, but I will - and I wouldn't replace this memory for anything in the world. 

We'd like to throw a huge thank you out to my Aunt Shannon, Uncle Cliff, Maddie and Abi who let us crash at their house Friday night and then offered to keep Lillie Saturday night so we could celebrate our anniversary in style.

We rode Segways, which were so awesome we nearly bought one.

We had us a Coronarita Margarita, something I probably should only ever have one of in the future. Any more than that, and well, let's just not go there.

We hung out in the swim-up pool bar for something like 5 hours making new friends and pulling the anniversary card for free drinks (don't judge me!) and before our road trip home, we divulged in a couple's massage. 

All in all, a pretty okay weekend. A pretty okay weekend, indeed.
Here's to another 6 years and then some!

Saturday Night Mystery

Since having Lillie I don't often enjoy more than perhaps 1 or 2 adult-themed beverages. Mostly, because she's with me, and  I just don't deem it necessary to drink much around her. She makes me so happy, why would I need to feign that feeling with something like alcohol.

However, when she's not with me and I want to pretend like I'm 20 again and I've just finished painting the kitchen for the second time in a week (post to come later) - a few beers is quite the mood enhancer. Which is how I decided to roll last Saturday.

After finishing up the kitchen, which turned out fantastic, we decided to spend some time with our dear friend who is leaving us for this thing called 'work'.Ridiculous, I say. Who moves to Wyoming? I mean, who?

Anyhow, our time well-spent included some refreshing beverages and shooting skeet. I know guns and beer don't go well together, but let's be honest - this is Texas. Beer is like Ranch Dressing or Ketchup - it goes with everything.* And to be fair, the drinking was actually after the fact - seeing as we didn't want to miss any of those fancy orange clay targets flying around.

So, as our night festivities came winding down and we plopped onto our incredibly comfortable couch, I vehemently decided that it was time for pizza. I happily flew to the oven (in my newly painted kitchen) and went to pre-heat the oven.

From this point onward, I have no recollection of what really happened. Only the clues of what was leftover when I awoke in the morning.

Clue #1 - I am awake. In the living room. On the recliner.
Clue #2 - My hair is wet and clean, so are my armpits. Phew.
Clue #3 - A nearly empty bottle of Boone's Farm (another staple in the Texas lifestyle, I might add) is on the end table next to me.
Clue #4 - Xbox light is on and controller is haphazardly thrown in the corner of the couch.
Clue #5 - Upon turning the television on, I see Harry Potter Legos on the screen.
Clue #6 - Empty pizza box on counter.
Clue #7 - Upside down, nearly empty Ranch bottle next to pizza box.
Clue #8 - Opened box of Ziploc Bags next to Ranch Dressing.
Clue #9 - Cookie dough residue on the floor by the refrigerator. Note to self: Cookie dough squishing between the toes, not so awesome.

So, based on these clues this is what I gathered - I took a shower at some point, which included washing my hair and my armpits. At least in an intoxicated state I can recognize that hygiene is very important. Bonus point for me.

I slept in the living room, so my final thought for the night probably went something like this "Bed to far away. Can't make it. Must sleep now. Recliner so very comfortable." Makes sense to me.

Boone's Farm I didn't even know you were living in my refrigerator at this time. You sneaky devil you. You must have somehow convinced me to hang out while waiting on the pizza.

Harry Potter Legos coupled with the Xbox controller, I must have went on a He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (aka Lord Voldemort) killing spree. This is fairly common even when sober, as I like punching little Lego men and watching them fly across the screen. It's the little things in life, you know.

I did, indeed, eat the pizza - with Ranch - and then proceeded to put the remaining pieces in the refrigerator for later yummy consumption. Can't be mad at that situation. Win for me.

Now, this part is where it gets interesting - I have lost the cookie dough.

That's right, it is gone. Now, you would think that maybe I ate it all - well, I was not okay with this scenario seeing as it was a new package, and I'm fairly certain a lot of bathroom time would have played out with that case. Alfred could do nothing but laugh at me, although he was fairly sad since he was really interested in some cookies at this point.

I looked through the refrigerator at least 3 times. I did the same with the freezer, even our deep freeze outside. I tried to retrace my steps, but well, by this point you know that I had no clue as to what steps I even took. So, I did what any sane person would do - I looked through all our cabinets - in the kitchen AND in the bathroom. Since, earlier I had deduced that I took a shower, I thought this was feasible. But to no avail, we were cookie doughless.
Hours passed.

Lillie came home. We played, we laughed - however, there was no cookies in this young girls life. Only crumbs.

That evening, as I was picking up, I went into our guest room to grab some scrapbook materials and low and behold - the cookie dough! Encased in a Ziploc bag (I must have double timed that with the pizza).

So, let it be said - Nancy Drew - you ain't got crap on Tamara Lehmann: Saturday Night Mysteries.

*Okay, there's a few exceptions - mostly drinking and driving. That is in no way okay.

A Glimpse

I haven't posted anything in quite some time and since a 3 day weekend is upon us, I am positive I will be too busy taking pictures of my daughter enjoying her 1st Independence Day to even think about writing.
So with that said, I thought I'd let you gather a glimpse of what makes my life so amazing these days that makes it so easy to forget about everything else around me.

I hope your 4th of July is full of fun, laughter and love.

Did I really just eat that?

Watching other people with their young kids I always found it fascinating and slightly gross that parents could eat or drink after their kids. I mean, sure I've taken plenty of drinks from the husband's cup or the best friend's straw but well, they're adults and I expect them to have a certain amount of self-respect as to not, you know, spit their food back up in their drink.

Not to mention the amount of slobber a young child has. Especially a teething one. I'm fairly certain with the amount of drool my daughter expends through out the day she could water the bullshit garden that is Donald Trump. And then to think all that drool is transferred to the cookie, the foot, the pen, the...well, whatever is in her little hand's grabbing radius - putting something in my mouth that she's found, well, it never sounded remotely appealing. So, even prior to having her and being witness to those parents that would just eat the rest of the cookie from their toddler I was not a fan. I am, in fact, still not a fan.

However, that does not change the fact that... That does not change the simple, mindless fact that... I became that which I did not understand. I ate from my child's adorable, slobbery, disgusting, smiling mouth.

And I had no clue I had done it until after I swallowed. And I just stood there. I just stood there with a blank stare and this thought,

"She did it on purpose."

Ridiculous? Maybe. But well, she is a master of manipulation. I mean, I had no intention of sharing my gummy fruit snack with her. But she was there, in my arms, leaning towards my gummy snack mouth wide open and her fluttering eyelashes that said "Oh, just let me taste it. You have a whole bag of them. One little taste won't hurt." I imagine she laughed wickedly under her breath at that point because she knew she had me. And so, I held on to the gummy snack, placed it in her wet, slobbery mouth where she cooed at its awesomeness for a moment before I took it out of her mouth, said a few words with My Emilie and then popped it in my mouth as if it never ventured into my daughter's tomb of slobber.

I ate it so thoughtlessly and so naturally, I'm inclined to believe that this, my friend, is just the beginning of my adventures into this spiral of craziness - Mommyhood.

Lillie: 237
Mom: 0