Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Hand Sanitizer

Being a mom can get kind of nasty at times.
Between pee & poop & boogers & slobber & spit &...{do I really need to go on?}
there's no doubt that I've used my fair share of hand sanitizer.
Actually, Lillie is so accustomed to it that after a diaper change she'll hold out her little hands for it {Yes, I have a bottle on her changing table}. She'll rub her hands together for 2 seconds and then want more.
She's kind of a hand washing Nazi. Sometimes she wants me to wash her hands in the middle of eating dinner. weirdo. I don't know whether to be proud, or completely worried at this point.
But when I saw this - Teens Getting Drunk On Hand Sanitizer - on the news, I'm pretty sure these words flew out of my mouth before I could even think about trying to sensor in front of the kiddo -
ARE.YOU.FUCKING.SERIOUS.
I could not believe people would be that moronic. I mean, don't get me wrong, I remember doing stupid things in high school too. {Stealing beer and driving on the back roads, for one. Gotta love growing up in a small town!}
Or watching other people doing stupid things {ahem - the husband in particular - ahem}. But hand sanitizer? That thought I can gladly say never crossed my mind.
But you know what makes this even more crap for parents to deal with?
Do you know what's going to make your bitch slap hand twinge in delight?
That in that moment when your kid says something completely idiotic and horribly vulgar - your threat of cleaning out their mouth with soap -
will mean nothing.
Because these dumbasses already have - literally - the cleanest mouths on the block. [*ba-dah-bing ba-dah-boom*]

Have you ever done anything you can look back on now and say, "Damn, I was an idiot!"? And then pray with all your might your kid never indulges or finds out for that matter?

2 comments:

Abbey S said...

Oh man, even worse than the hand sanitizer things--a lot of teens are getting drunk by soaking tampons in booze and then using them. Girls AND boys. Yuck. Seems to me like there are easier ways...

The Lehmann's said...

Yes, girl, I have heard that! I just can't imagine. I'd rather take my time and get drunk the old fashioned way - stealing liquor from my parents cabinet! Morons.