I’m an optimist. The glass is generally half-full for me (usually with wine) and I’m convinced I have chipmunk cheeks because my muscles are so strong from the smiling gene my mother blessed me with.
So, naturally, the cheeriness comes across in my blog and how I handle the motivation I need/use to continue feeling like I’m becoming the type of person I’m proud of. The kind of person who works out not to be the thinnest, but to be healthier & happier for my God, myself, my kid, & my husband.
And with all that said, sometimes it just sucks.
Some days I just feel like I have nothing to give. Like, I’ve used up my “happy”quota for the week. Things from work, from life, being a mom, financial situations, anything just pile up & I have an off day (or week). It’s life, it happens, I’m an adult so I deal.
At one point in my life, I dealt with these things with Oreos. (Fine, there are still some times that I still do this. Don’t judge me. They are made of Unicorn Farts & puffs of amazingness, I can’t always help myself.)
But now, at this point in my life, I try to deal by working it out. Whether that’s going for a run, or doing an at home workout DVD, or going to the gym. Generally, if I make myself do something I’m happier within 10 minutes and I kind of forget about what’s been ailing me.
However, last week that did not happen.
I don’t know what it was – just a culmination of worry/anxiety/work – is what I’m going with. I’ve talked about Mojgan, she’s my amazing friend who I run stairs with or follow along for evil Tabata workouts, she had asked me to join her for another workout. I wanted to say no, but I didn’t. I figured I’d go and in 10 minutes I’d be calling her “the spawn of Satan” and “the workout Nazi” to forget about the pain.
She laughs when I call her these things because she knows it comes from a place of love. And of looking pretty damn fly in a pair of skinny jeans these days.
But 10 minutes into our 45 minute workout and I was struggling. We were doing things I had done plenty of times before but my head & heart were just not into it. I was in a funk and even she noticed when she called me, Grumpy butt.
At least it wasn’t Lumpy butt, I guess. (See, positivity, that bitch)
I wanted to quit. I really did. I’ve never walked out from workout but I was on the verge. I wanted to give up. It was horrible.
At one point, I was attempting push-up/plank combination and with my face facing the floor. I just started crying. I didn’t look up & I hoped if people noticed they’d just assume it was sweat hitting the floor (common in our workouts).
I hated it because it felt like my body could keep going, but my head wouldn’t allow it. I was frustrated and annoyed that I had to work out so hard just to maintain. To everyone else in the gym it looked like they were breezing along.
I’m not looking for any kind of sympathy. I just wanted to share with you guys that even though it may look like I have it all together – that well, sometimes I don’t. I struggle, I curse, I smell like man-sweat more than I don’t.
We all have hard days we have to push through and well, that was one of mine.
Changing your lifestyle, no matter how amazing it can feel – well, sometimes it sucks. It really just does.