Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Sometimes it sucks

I’m an optimist. The glass is generally half-full for me (usually with wine) and I’m convinced I have chipmunk cheeks because my muscles are so strong from the smiling gene my mother blessed me with.

Chipmunk Cheeks_like whoa Obviously this is my chipmunk face.

So, naturally, the cheeriness comes across in my blog and how I handle the motivation I need/use to continue feeling like I’m becoming the type of person I’m proud of. The kind of person who works out not to be the thinnest, but to be healthier & happier for my God, myself, my kid, & my husband.

And with all that said, sometimes it just sucks.

Some days I just feel like I have nothing to give. Like, I’ve used up my “happy”quota for the week. Things from work, from life, being a mom, financial situations, anything just pile up & I have an off day (or week). It’s life, it happens, I’m an adult so I deal.

At one point in my life, I dealt with these things with Oreos. (Fine, there are still some times that I still do this. Don’t judge me. They are made of Unicorn Farts & puffs of amazingness, I can’t always help myself.)

But now, at this point in my life, I try to deal by working it out. Whether that’s going for a run, or doing an at home workout DVD, or going to the gym. Generally, if I make myself do something I’m happier within 10 minutes and I kind of forget about what’s been ailing me.

However, last week that did not happen.

I don’t know what it was – just a culmination of worry/anxiety/work – is what I’m going with. I’ve talked about Mojgan, she’s my amazing friend who I run stairs with or follow along for evil Tabata workouts, she had asked me to join her for another workout. I wanted to say no, but I didn’t. I figured I’d go and in 10 minutes I’d be calling her “the spawn of Satan” and “the workout Nazi” to forget about the pain.

She laughs when I call her these things because she knows it comes from a place of love. And of looking pretty damn fly in a pair of skinny jeans these days.

But 10 minutes into our 45 minute workout and I was struggling. We were doing things I had done plenty of times before but my head & heart were just not into it. I was in a funk and even she noticed when she called me, Grumpy butt.

At least it wasn’t Lumpy butt, I guess. (See, positivity, that bitch)

I wanted to quit. I really did. I’ve never walked out from workout but I was on the verge. I wanted to give up. It was horrible.

At one point, I was attempting push-up/plank combination and with my face facing the floor. I just started crying. I didn’t look up & I hoped if people noticed they’d just assume it was sweat hitting the floor (common in our workouts).

I hated it because it felt like my body could keep going, but my head wouldn’t allow it. I was frustrated and annoyed that I had to work out so hard just to maintain. To everyone else in the gym it looked like they were breezing along.

I’m not looking for any kind of sympathy. I just wanted to share with you guys that even though it may look like I have it all together – that well, sometimes I don’t. I struggle, I curse, I smell like man-sweat more than I don’t.

We all have hard days we have to push through and well, that was one of mine.

Changing your lifestyle, no matter how amazing it can feel – well, sometimes it sucks. It really just does.

6 comments:

Tristan Schlegel said...

Dude, amen. I've been sort of having that same feeling for awhile now because of this stupid flipping dumb plateau that's happening. It's almost summer and I can't get rid of ANYTHING at all. Not even one pound. And I've just been feeling this way too. That's why blog friends are there! :)

Amanda Arr said...

I wish we were real life friends, and not just internet buds. I totally know what you're going through. When I gave up dairy two years ago, those first few months were torture. Anytime I saw someone eating something I couldn't have (because it'd make me ill), I either raged or cried, or sometimes both.

Sending positive vibes your way, darlin'.

Abbey said...

truth.

I hate that it's like this.

I just told Sara of Mauer Power (I think? May have spelled that wrong) a story about how one time I was SO DANG TIRED of healthy eating that we drove through sonic and I had fried cheese and onion rings for dinner.

We all have a breaking point. And as long as it's just a break -- an extra day of rest, or some glorious fried food -- we're still in good shape. Because this shit's hard and we deserve to rest now and then and not have to THINK and not have to WORK and not have to SACRIFICE.

You deserve to be happy. That's why you're working so hard, of course, but also why you're allowed to have off days.

Sara said...

Abbey had it close...only missed one 'R' in Maurer! :-)

But, thank you so much for sharing. We're all human, and we all reach our breaking points. What's awesome about your story though, is that you didn't quit. You kept going, no matter how much your mind wanted you to stop.

And yes, this shit sucks...it really does. Changing a lifestyle and habits is so difficult....especially on days when you feel like you have nothing left.

Lin said...

We all have tough days. Granted, mine aren't anything like yours cause I don't work out but the good thing is that you didn't give up.

With all that being said, I too believe that your chipmunk cheeks are pure bad ass muscle ;)

meg m said...

this picture kills me every time! your photoshop skills rock!