Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Training Tuesday 5.14.13

This link-up is just a way to talk about training [in any way, for anything] to help hold ourselves accountable and possibly brag a bit. I mean, you ran 1 mile without stopping – you totally deserve a chance to brag about it! That shit is hard. You did 10 push-ups in a row, HOLLLEERRR.

And even if you’re not training for anything, you’re just putting yourself out there to be healthier, to get slimmer, to whatever you can share it on Training Tuesday. Let’s say you were sitting at home and instead of eating a carton of Oreos you instead ate 20 baby carrots and just imagined they were chocolate-y crèmey goodness [hypothetical situation, of course] – share it here!

Abbey & I don’t discriminate – we congratulate.
Grab the button above & link-up below to let us know what’s going on for your Training Tuesday (or any day really, linking up throughout the week is good too!)

Usually I go through day-by-day training but I don’t really want to do that today. I worked out last week. I know I did. I just…felt like I was going through the motions. I’ve really had a hard time lately finding motivation. I even cried at the gym last week. I couldn’t pinpoint what the issue was and it was really frustrating.

Then, I had a conversation with Sara from Maurer Power (she’s wonderful, check her out if you haven’t already!) that led us into talking about the scale. (Mostly with us saying it’s the devil. It is.)

Last year I stopped weighing myself and just focused on being healthier. I was happy and felt ready when this year for a New Year’s Resolution I put out there that I wanted to lose 30 lbs. I wrote in my Weight Hate post at the beginning of this year “…my weight does not define me…” and when I wrote that I felt that. Everything I wrote in that post is true. I was happy because I was healthy. Running was a huge part of that.

And because of that I assumed I was in a healthy place mentally & emotionally to be okay with the scale. To be friends with the scale even.

I am not.

It started out innocent enough, I wanted to see where I was starting so I’d weigh myself every 3-4 days and gauge how I was doing based on that. Then it was every 1-2 days and eventually, at minimum twice a day.

Every time I saw a gain, even by .2 lbs, I felt sad like I failed myself for some reason. At the same time the logical part of me knew this was normal, weight fluctuates daily based on the time of day, what you ate, how much water you are carrying, etc but the emotional part of me said, “FUCK THAT. YOU’RE FAT.”

It’s ridiculously exhausting to be in a constant battle against yourself. And it makes you want to give up.

I caught Lillie ‘weighing’ herself this weekend. It pissed me off. Not that she was doing something wrong, because she was just standing on a piece of metal watching the numbers move, but because it felt like I was failing her. That instead of associating me with running (she tells me to go faster which is adorable) it was like she was associating me with a number. And, like I said earlier, that shouldn’t define me for me and it damn sure shouldn’t define me for her.

Simply put I can’t be friends with the scale. I can’t have her telling me whether or not I’m going to be in a good mood today because I weigh .5 lbs less today than I did yesterday.

So, I’m getting rid of that 30 lb resolution.

Which also means, the scale is going too. Holler bitch.

If I lose weight, so be it. I’ll continue working out & trying to eat better but I just can’t have that scale toxin near me. It does not make me a person I am proud of. And ultimately, that’s what I want. Not to weigh less, not to skinny, but to be happy & to make the people around me happy.

Here’s to being happy.


Sara said...

Good for you! I plan on doing the same thing with my scale...she's a bitch anyway! ;-)

I can completely relate with the battling yourself bit; I feel like I am always battling myself in some way, and honestly, I think the scale has a lot to do with it.

I hope you find your motivation (I hope I do too!!) and get back on your path. We have all our days, weeks, months that just suck. Just know that you're still a badass!

Kate said...

Um, love. Just saying.

I actually wrote my own weighthate post.. and it's been sitting in my drafts for about 2 weeks now. I don't know why I can't publish it, but honestly? I think it's because I HAVE been weighing myself too frequently.

And even though the post ended positively, I just feel like my weight does fluctuate so often (obviously) that I feel like I'm being dishonest when I post a number that's going to change the next day. Is that weird? Probably.

You're awesome.

Katie said...

YOU GO GIRL. You are amazing and I think you are fantastic for realizing this about yourself. I have this same hate relationship with calorie counting. I can't do it because it turns me into someone who tears themselves apart. I won't be that again, and I'm glad you're taking a stand as well :) Love you!

Amanda Arr said...

Scales are the devil! Good on ya for getting rid of it. I used to weigh myself multiple times a day, too, and I know what a jerk the scale can be.

meg m said...

I have such a love/hate relationship with my scale.
I know that numbers shouldn't matter and that it should be how you feel but I think right now that I'm just starting out with this whole fitness thing that number is really important to me. I limit myself to maybe 3 times a week (mostly because I forget) and I love that my hard work is paying off.
once I get to my goal weight though that sucker is going to the back of the closet, the basement, or somewhere I can't access it easier.