Being Kind…to yourself

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I totally missed my own link-up last week. Yep, made it to Friday before I even realized. I’m a winner like that. But I’m doing it today, so that counts for something, right? Join me if you can! (Sorry for the confusion.)

If you’re new here, this link-up is every Wednesday and it’s based off these two articles – here and here. You are welcome to take the points in any direction you choose, what I go off of is only something to get the ol’ brain ticking. Original post is here.

Previous posts: Week 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 & 9.

Week 8! (One week late!)

I’ve noticed while working through these writing prompts for the past 9 weeks that a lot of it comes back to my daughter. I always thought it was pretty cliché to hear parents say, “Oh, things changed when I became parent!” because prior to motherhood that sounded pretty fucking ridiculous to me. A child is a person, you take care of them sure, but really how hard can that be – change some diapers, have food & shelter, enroll them in school, easy peasy chicken greasy, right?

Apparently there’s this thing though where they learn by example by the people they are around. And who is Lillie around 98% of the time? ME. I feel like there’s this focus when raising children to make them smarter than the rest when I really think as a society we should focus on making them kinder. Teach them empathy, sympathy, compassion – the rest will follow at its own pace.

(Totally want my kid to be smart, don’t get me wrong, but the focus on having the best kid EVER at any cost is really intimidating on both ends of the spectrum)

After my round of post-partum where I said the most vile things to myself every day for at least a year in my head, things started changing when I started exercising. Instead of focusing on all my flaws I started noticing all the great things about myself (I also had most of you cheering me on and having that support helped immensely!) I started liking myself again and the voice in my head did too – I became more positive in how I approached myself and the outside world. During this time, I also noticed how quickly Lillie was picking up on things.

She was starting to mimic me and that just continues to become more apparent the older she gets. I never want her to feel less of a person because of her physical attributes (which happens to be what I’m most unkind to myself about) and I want her to understand that just because your body isn’t what you want it to be, doesn’t mean it isn’t perfect the way that it is. A lot of that is going to come from me by the way I project myself at home.

Things I actively don’t do: (by active I mean, sometimes I have to stop myself because it almost feels natural to think that way, which is really sad and kind of indicative of the culture we live in)

• Say I’m fat (even if I’m feeling that way) out loud
  
• weigh myself and act disgusted about it
  
• cry out loud when clothes don’t fit the way I want them too (Lillie is usually right underneath me at all times, so she’s privy to me changing clothes on the daily)
  
• saying I can’t eat something

Overall, I would say I’m kind to myself because I am actively trying to be kind to myself. I work at it every day (I also have wonderful support from my husband whose loved me at 120 lbs and at 205 lbs) but it certainly has gotten easier the more I do it.

Satisfied

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I kind of suck sometimes at blogging. Like, for example, I totally missed my own link-up last week. Yep, totally made it to Friday before I realized. I’m a winner like that. I’ll stick with today’s topic and tomorrow (Thursday, May 28th) I’ll post the topic from last week I missed – join me if you can! Sorry for the confusion.

If you’re new here, this link-up is every Wednesday and it’s based off these two articles – here and here. You are welcome to take the points in any direction you choose, what I go off of is only something to get the ol’ brain ticking. Original post is here.

Previous posts: Week 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7.

Week 9!

I feel like from a young age I was taught that I had to have a dream to pursue. Would I be a lawyer? How about a doctor? An opera singer? An actor? Once I found that dream, I should continue on that path until it was a reality. I had to make goals to get there and anything that got in the way – well, it should be thrown to side because it’s all about the end goal. Not about the ride to get there.

And really, it’s life – every day is the ride – and what’s wrong with stopping to enjoy the scenery once in a while? I think it’s easy to get caught up in the – well, let’s wait until we have more money, more stability, less debt, etc – mindset when you’re in a relationship with someone who wants the same goals out of life as you.

For both Alfred & I, we’ve always wanted to be financially stable enough to go on vacations without a worry, to own our own vehicles, home, etc without living paycheck to paycheck. When we decided to start a family we revisited this goals while adding new ones (what/how we want Lillie to grow up). We’ve succeeded in a lot of our personal & family goals but have also passed on a lot of great things because it didn’t coincide with the long term or it would set up back from the original plan. Having Lillie really opened up both of our eyes as to how quickly life passes you by – and how much of it you miss because you’re too busy in the future instead of the present.

I’ve slowed down to enjoy the moments now, and I feel mostly satisfied in where I’m at in my life. I say mostly because I’m currently on my own spiritual journey (getting closer to Christ) and I’m not satisfied with the knowledge I have now – I want more, so that I can share that with Lillie when she gets older and begins to question things. I don’t want to only lead by example, I want to lead by knowledge. I mean, after all, it is power, right? :)

Making Mistakes

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It’s Week 7!

As a quick run down, this link-up is based on these two articles – here and here. You are free to take the topics in any direction you like – I am only providing a guideline to get the ball rolling. Hell, I may not even follow what I wrote. I’m a rebel in that way.

You can find the remaining topics by clicking here or downloading the PDF.
If you’re interested in how the previous weeks went down – Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4, Week 5, & http://lehmannlaughter.blogspot.com/2014/05/past-or-present-where-do-you-live.htmlWeek 6.

Simple answer (and it should be for anyone) is yes, I’ve made mistakes. Whether they’re in the friendships I’ve had, my marriage, my professional life, my parenting skills (or lack of) and just in life in general. I think one of the most important things I’ve been fortunate enough to learn in my life (and willing to learn) is to accept responsibility for those mistakes.

It really sucks to own up to the fact that I can be a total asshole, but in the long run it’s really helped me weed out the people in my life that are there to support as opposed to tearing me down. That basically means as I’ve grown into my 20s that my huge circle of friends has dwindled down significantly. Quality over quantity, right?

I think back to things I said when I was younger, specifically mean things (gossip and all) and while I feel like overall, I was a nice girl – I certainly could have bit my tongue more. Or stuck up for more people. Being talked about behind your back by your friend really sucks but being talked about behind your back by people who don’t know you while your friend stands idly by eating her boogers? Now that’s some pretty shitty shit. Knowing how much something like that hurts and holding on to that, can really help you make a conscious effort to be the better person.

And being better than I was yesterday because I own up to the mistakes I’ve made in my life? Sounds like an okay deal to me.

Fitness Update

I haven’t really talked much about where I’m at in regards to my fitness. Mostly because there’s not much to talk about. I took a little emotional/physical break from my marathon and I ran a couple miles here and there, ran some stairs but nothing settled into a routine for the next month (there was also the fact that my husband tried to turn himself into a pirate).

Then, April came around and when I finally began to feel motivated again – I fake fractured my foot (here & here). While I haven’t been on crutches or wearing a boot for the past 3 weeks, my foot has still felt twingey. The doctor told me it could be up to two months before it felt normal again. Well, I decided it felt normal enough this week and jumped back into working out on Wednesday with Moj.

Within the first 30 seconds I could tell a drastic difference in my level of fitness prior to the marathon and after. It hurt. What’s it? EVERYTHING IS IT. Everything still hurts, two days later.

I knew after my marathon that I planned on scaling back with my running, as in nothing further than a 5k, because I wanted to get stronger. I wanted to start weight training. I was really excited to brave my fear of the free weight section in the gym and to attempt some definition in my arms (at the very least!)

While I go to the gym with Moj (who has been lifting weights for 20 years or so), I go on her terms, they’re her workouts and I’m just along for the ride. She’ll admit she loves to make me curse though (it’s really not that hard, all she has to do is say BURPEE!) But during the summer, she’s not on campus as much. That leaves me fending for myself.

It’s scary enough to get past the initial gym demons you have when you think everyone is looking at you (they’re not) and you’re just going to the cardio equipment. But when you have to go to the free weight section with tons of bulky guys grunting in mirrors and lifting weights larger than your 3 year old – it can be a little intimidating.

So, I hit up Google. I wanted some kind of plan that specified exactly what I need to do that didn’t make me feel like a complete dumbass. And it’d be nice if it were cheap.

I lucked out. Because I found something amazing and free.

www.bodybuilding.com

You can find free plans to follow based on your level and interest. There’s also a free app for your phone called BodySpace.

The plan I found is Jamie Eason’s LiveFit 12-Week Trainer (there’s a ton to choose from though!)

It breaks it down week by week, day by day, exercise by exercise for you. It also links to videos to show you HOW to do the moves or use the equipment – this is all accessible on your phone with the app. Which really has helped me the past two days move past my free weight fears and work it out.

Example: Yesterday (my first day) was triceps/chest workout. I got to the gym, clicked on the app, started the workout and 30 minutes later I was walking away feeling a little stronger and definitely smelling a little fouler. It’s at your own pace, so if you need to move to another piece of equipment you just tap the app, it stops (or starts) and you’re good to go while you get settled. You can also print off the information from the website if you don’t have a smart phone.

Today was biceps. So, I thought I’d give y’all a little preview of how muscular I currently am. *cough* not much *cough*.

I’m feeling really good about it. And excited. And just really ready to see where I’ll be at the end of 12 weeks. Or maybe 13. We are planning on going on vacation at some point :)

There’s a nutrition plan with this one as well – and I’m taking a few things from it to apply to myself – so this is basically my public announcement to hold myself accountable and for you to say, “But Tam, you already look like a badass!”

I mean, only if you want to say that.

Past or Present: Where Do You Live?

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It’s Week 6!

As a quick run down, this link-up is based on these two articles – here and here. You are free to take the topics in any direction you like – I am only providing a guideline to get the ball rolling. Hell, I may not even follow what I wrote. I’m a rebel in that way.

You can find the remaining topics by clicking here or downloading the PDF.
If you’re interested in how the previous weeks went down – Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4 & Week 5.

The present. That’s where I like to spend most of my time. I’ve held bitterness in my heart for things that have happened to me in my past or for things that I’ve done (to myself or others) and the only thing that seems to come from that is unhappiness.

And I don’t know about you but being unhappy is not something I strive for.

I’ve talked about my mother before but that was probably well before most of my readers came around. Short story is she made some bad decisions in her life that affected her children – with the root of that grounded in alcoholism. That resulted in a chain of events that eventually led her to prison and her three kids without a parent to raise them. We were very fortunate in the way it worked out (God was certainly looking over us) and have had some wonderful friends & family step in and take care of us over the years.

She was released 4 years later.

Things she missed: high school graduation, prom, first boyfriends, first kisses, softball games, being mascot, marching band, hugs, learning to cook, birthdays, Christmases, and so much more that I know I’m forgetting.

I was bitter for a long time about these things, but once my mom was released I made an honest effort to let it go. It took me a while but by the time I hit my mid-20s something clicked – she’s an adult, she made the decisions she had to make based on her life & her circumstances, it just sucks that they affected others like they did. I don’t have the power to change any of that.

But I do have the power to not let it hold me back.

And I have the power to not let the cycle continue (alcoholism runs in our family); so I focus on the present. I keep the past in my back pocket, where I can pull it out when I need to be reminded of how grateful I should be for the life I do lead but I don’t let it weigh me down. Not anymore.

Realizing that people make mistakes, that people can change, that I’m not limited to who I was but rather to who I want to be has been one of the most freeing and beneficial things that I could have ever done with my life.

Now, you tell me – where do you live?