Monday, July 30, 2012

Dear Monday 7.30.12

link up with Megan at Happy Day
Dear Monday, you are the start of my 10k training plan and so far so good. 1 day down only 39 to go!

Dear WeightWatchers, I know. It's been a while. Last time I really made the effort to see you was a couple years ago. You really helped me then, but this time around I thought I could lose more weight on my own, but apparently the only thing I've managed to do is maintain. So, here's to my new Jennifer Hudson body!.
Can I have the voice too? Purdy please!
Dear Emilie's baby shower, you went off amazing. From the decorations, to the food, to all the presents - I felt so blessed to be able to share that day with you. And love that your family lets me be part of them - from all the laughs to every eye roll, it's wonderful.
It took like 5 vehicles to get all this stuff back to her house. Tanner isn't lacking in nothing, my friends.
Dear Alfred, I hope you learned your lesson when you jumped out from behind the door while I was brushing my teeth the other night. I am not afraid to stab a potential intruder in the chest with my toothbrush. Not afraid one stinking bit.

Dear Lillie, I had a wonderful time being able to bring you to work with me last week [for the most part] but I am so grateful that your grandparents are back from vacation. I've been busier today than a dog in a turd-eating contest today. [And I think for the rest of the week!]
Leaving her last day of work.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Training plan?

Somehow my brain this past month had thought - hey, I'll stop doing Insanity while I'm training for the dreadful 5k, start it back up for the last month of the program [it's 60 days], and still have plenty of time to train for a 10k I signed up for in September. I think I may have even mentioned it in a previous post.

Uh, wrong.

I only have 6 weeks until I have to pull 6.2 miles out of my butt shoes. I've tried combining Insanity [which is 6 days a week] and running [3-4 days a week] but I failed miserably.

You mean there's not 10 days in a week? Whhhhaaat??

And while I am loving the I'm a better me feeling of doing something for myself, I absolutely refuse to be less of a mom & a wife for it. Sure, for a bit is fine, [we all need a break every now and then, right?]  but every day I am not okay with.

I was so exhausted & tired, I couldn't wait for Lillie to go to bed [I work full-time so it's not like I get to see her all the time anyhow] and I crossed my fingers on more than one occasion that Alfred would have to work late and would be able to grab dinner on the road.

So, doing Insanity & running is out of the question for me. And since I've never run farther than 4.5 miles, I know I need to train for this. I want to train for this. Because a good foundation will really help push me to do my 13.1 miles come January - mentally & physically. And who knows, maybe I'll go damage myself enough into thinking I can actually do a full marathon.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves now, Tamara.

Based on what I've found [for free!] online this is what I've put together.

I think it looks reasonable, right? I customized it to me [ahem*green box*ahem] and this is actually the first type of training schedule I've ever done. For all of my prior 5ks, I've just kind of gone along the If I run, I'll make it. But after that damn 5k Saturday I know I'm going to have to put a lot more into running more miles.

Ideas are welcome, seriously, I'm one of those people that do better with more information than with less. When I was pregnant I'm pretty sure I scoured every corner of the Internet learning about birthing babies. [It was not pretty.] But I felt so prepared I wasn't even worried about it when it came down to pushing. And bam, had the kid in 30 minutes.

Also, cross training? I know I need to do it. I've gone to some pilates/yoga classes before, I've walked, I've ellipticalled, I've done some weight training - but honestly, that's the part that confuses me more than anything. I just don't know what to do.

Most of my workouts are scheduled during the work week because the lunch hour is my time. When I get home the last thing I want to do is change clothes and work out. Especially if the kid is pooping on people's floors and the husband is wanting some dinner. And it's really convenient seeing as I only work about 50 feet from a gym, so uh, no excuse. I mean, I may smell and look a hot mess afterwards, but damn, you know you be checking out this ass!

The plan starts on Monday. I've printed off a copy for my office and my fridge at home.

But as for this weekend, I'll just give into amazing baby shower food tomorrow for the Emilie and sun time in the pool on Sunday with some awesome friends. [And I wonder why I suck at running! ha!]

I hope you all have an amazing weekend!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Hot 2 Trot [yeah, right]

This past Saturday I ran [using that term loosely] a local 5k [3.1 miles] in Temple, Texas and the entire time all I wanted to do was punch baby kittens in the face. It was horrible.
I did not "...PR [personal record] the shit out of this!" like I had hoped.
In fact, this face pretty much sums it up.

I didn't get a lot of sleep Friday evening even though Lillie has the most amazing Godparents ever that kept her for us. My stomach was doing the weird flip-flopper and my brain was going into the "you suck" mode that it always seems to go to whenever I'm about to run a race. There was also some friend drama that had to be taken care of [as in me being an amazing person with an amazing shoulder to cry on and an amazing ear to listen]. But nevertheless, I managed to crash around midnight with my alarm set at 5:45.

Is it weird to want to physically hurt your alarm in the morning? Because that's definitely how I felt when it went off, but I jumped up, grabbed my clothes & kicks, and headed out the door anyways.

The race wasn't scheduled to start until 7:30am but the bag pick-up was from 6am-7am. And since it's about a 45 minute drive for me, I thought it'd be best not to cut it too close. Pretty easy to find and no problem with parking. There were only about 300 participants, so pretty small. The lady with the megaphone yells at us to start walking towards the starting line and to get ready because she likes her races to start on time. I appreciated that, but totally imagined her as the bossy kid at the playground that nobody liked because we always had to do what she wanted to do.

I was struggling with my iPod. And had a temporary freak out when it wouldn't cut on. Turns out my fingers were just wet with sweat because it's July in Texas. Got it adjusted and ready to go as I talked to an older gentleman [60ish] who explained the course a little bit and warned me of the last hill before the finish line. And then I went to turn my Garmin on and it was being a buttpaste-face. I don't know what its deal was, but next thing I know people are jostling me and every one is running. So, I said screw it I don't need to know my pace. And started going.

It was beyond the word humid. The temperature at 7:30 was already in the 80s and the sun was not cutting any of us any slack. They had water stations at mile 1 & 2, but I seriously wish I would have brought my own water. I have never ran in this type of heat [usually on the treadmill in AC or racing in the winter months], and seriously misjudged it and the amount of water I needed.

And something else I've never really done - hills. This little race was pretty much uphill the entire race. From the start to mile 1 just a steady incline, then a few rolling hills into mile 2 and then it evened out for .5 and then I saw it. The hill. About halfway up it, there was one of the photographers who caught this gem -
I don't see it, but my husband thinks I have a weird running stride.
I do, however, see the weird running face.
I was trying to go for a cute, jumping photo for you guys but uh, yeah, maybe not so much.
But seriously, who the hell puts a photographer up a horrible, horrible hill to take photos? Just flat-out mean.

When the hill finally let its evil grasp of me go and I turned the corner to see the finish line and the giant clock ticking away, I really pulled it together and pushed but when I realized that my time was 42:45 and I had no PR, all I really wanted to do was sit down and cry.
Rwwoar!! T-Rex hands!
I kept replaying what I did right, what I most definitely did wrong and how if I would have just pushed a little bit harder maybe I would have gotten less than 40. We all tend to be our own worst critics, no?

 It did help me realize that I have a lot of work to do to prepare for my first half in January. So, I bought a couple of books today.
Something for the mama...
And something for the Lillie.
Running reads suggestions? Let me know, after this crap-fest of a run Saturday I am [now] more determined than ever to get my ass in gear. And I have no idea where to start.

Let the training begin!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

When Potty Training Goes Awry

For months now my mother-in-law has let me know she's ready to start helping me help myself by working with Lillie on going potty in well, the potty. And not her pants. Or her diapers. [If you've had a kid or babysat - you know sometimes those two go hand-in-hand - literally.]
Lillie has been interested [and by that I mean she follows you into the bathroom, points at your magical naked bits and tries to wipe for you by attacking you with toilet paper - awk.ward.] in pee-pee & poo-poo, so we've been taking it slow. Setting her on the potty, giving her high praises [and jellybeans] when she goes, or even when she tells us she needs to go [sometimes we don't make it on time].

Which is exactly where this story is going.

Sunday the husband and I ventured over to our best friends, Emilie & Justin's, house for a few reasons.
1. We were bored.
2. Emilie's sister, Erin, and mom were there helping Emilie clean so that after her baby shower this weekend we can just go ahead and put up everything where it needed to be and I said I'd help.
3. Erin's daughters were there and we knew Lillie would love to play with them.
Abbie & Lillie a few weeks ago swimming.

It was a pretty great day. The guys had their guy time. The girls had their girl time. And the kids had their kid time. So, when the day started to become evening, it's just kind of understand in our bromance/sistermance situation that we just pig out for dinner at that person's house. Emilie made meatloaf. Pretty amazeballs.
Afterwards, the guys were still doing their thing and since Emilie is stocked full of baby stuff already [even though her shower isn't until Saturday - seriously, what are the rest of us supposed to even buy when you already have everything!] she said we could grab what we needed and Lilz could take a bath.
I love my friends.

We go to the bathroom, I start running the water. And Lillie loves the water, so she's staring at it being her normal adorable self when she points to her butt and says those two awesome words - Poo Poo. So, I grab her pants, drop them at lightning speed, reach for her diaper, pull it off and ...
a turd drops on the ground.
It rolls.
Lillie smiles.

At this point I may or may not have shrieked a little as I threw placed Lillie on the potty. I grabbed some toilet paper and did the quick grab-and-drop you see people do for when their dogs crap in a public place. Or at your house when you have company over. [Never fails, am I right?]

And then I looked over my shoulder making sure that no one saw what just happened. Yeah, I did that.

We finished our bath, my heart rate slowed down and things were going peachy. Until...
I realized I didn't grab her a clean diaper. Normally, I would have just yelled at Emilie to bring me one from her bag, but you see - Emilie is currently nicknamed Gimpy because she is very graceful and managed to mess her up knee last week. So, I opted to not yell at her.

Which lead into a naked baby running amok. Now, if you haven't had the joy of watching a naked baby run around as if they were clothed, it is pure joy. They fricking love it. And we love it because they are hilarious.

But what we don't love is when they stop, look down and pee. Yes, you read that right. I said pee.

My daughter has in a span of 10 minutes - pooped & peed on the floor at my best friend's house. I don't know what I thought I could do, but apparently, I thought if I picked her up fast enough it would stop. It did not.

She continued until she was finished as I held her out away from me by her arms and profusely apologized to my Emilie who may have been dying from laughter at this point.

I don't normally embarrass in front of Emilie. We have both seen each other through a lot, probably more than any normal person should see of someone who they aren't married too. But it works for us. And thank the sweet baby Jesus she is amazing and laughed it off as I tried to scrub pee from her floor.

But I guess, then again, we shouldn't really be surprised. I mean, Lillie did throw-up on their brand new couch last year. Like so new we were over there putting it in their house because they just came home with it new.

Yeah, we're those parents with that kid. But, hey, at least she's cute, right?

Monday, July 23, 2012

Dear Monday 6.23.12

Link up with Megan at Happy Day
Dear Monday, you are starting out amazeballs. Oh, you'd like to know why? Well let me tell you -

Dear Sar, thanks for hosting the awesome giveaway with Shabby Apple! 1. You're just a wonderfully awesome person. And B. I fricking won. SAY WHAT?! I can't wait to scour their website [which I've already been doing anyway - cute, cute stuff you guys!] and find the perfect outfit. Also, my kid is way excited too.
Lillie is helping mom at work this week so her grandparents
who normally watch her can have their own vacation.
Oh, and second also, Sar stop by the office if you want to see the kiddo in person so she can say thank you!

Dear Eye, I don't know why you think it's okay to pop a blood vessel, but please stop. I've got an awesome baby shower for the best friend to get ready for this Saturday and last thing I need is for Baby Tanner to look back through his photo books and wonder why Aunt Tamzilla is an evil comic book character.
On second thought, he'll probably think I'm the coolest Aunt ever. SCORE!

Dear Credit Card Fraud Dept, you are always on top of your game when it comes to our credit card. Since we seem to be happily married I don't think either of us need an account to a dating website though. But calling Alfred to let him know I "caught" him and to learn to be sneakier like me, now that was one hilarious conversation. I love that with us, trust comes first and questions come second.

Dear Husbandface, Thanks for fixing my bumper on my truck. And for just being an awesome dad to Lillie. She may have had dirt stains from head to toe yesterday but she loved every minute of helping you and Justin 'work' on the 4 wheeler.e

Dear Lillie, you've been here at work with me for 2 hours and this is what you've already accomplished. Sadly, I think it may be an improvement.

And now a message from the Lillie! [Good luck deciphering!]

;,ngvdhmjjjnme;[;/;.;;;;;;;;p;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;jh                                                            ;dddd;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Thursday Thoughts 7.19.12

[1] Guess what I am? You'll never guess.
I am a Victoria's Secret Model. No, you did not read that wrong. I am.
Well, I mean, kind of in a sort of round about way.
Yes, I did take a picture in the locker room after my work out today.
We have the same pants. That's right, Ol' Vicky and me got very much acquainted these past few weeks as the Semi-Annual Sale was going on and they kept sending me coupons and I couldn't not use them because it's like wasting money, right? So, I went out on a limb and bought cobalt blue pants. [Among, plennnttty of other things, trust me.]
I was really nervous about them, because well, they are blue. And not in the denim way. [I'm a blue jeans/t-shirt girl all the way.]I think I may try a yellow shirt next time for some colorblocking...we shall see.
I love clothes. I love shoes. I'm just not very brave in my wardrobe choices when I'm out in public. I buy a lot, but it mostly sits in my closet until I can play it safe somehow. But the more I lose and the more I work out the less I seem to worry what other people may [or may not] think of the clothes I am wearing. Which is great for my self-esteem, not so great for the wallet.

[2] I have a local 5k this Saturday morning. I keep going back and forth between the "DUDES, I'm gonna PR [personal record] the shit out of this!" and the "What if my chub rub attacks my thighs, I forget my deodorant and crap my pants instead!" emotions. It's getting really annoying.
[3] I haven't talked much about my Insanity adventures lately because after month 1 I stopped so I could prepare for this 5k. Running & doing Insanity at the same time was just not working for me, so I gave up one. But next week I go back on the Insanity train for my last month and then I start working on my first half-marathon training plan. Suggestions & help are welcome!
Help me.

[4] I don't know if you use or have Twitter. But if you don't, you should. [I'm @Tamara0827 ]I used to be a hardcore - this is some stupid ass shiz, who wants to read that crap - but, I definitely prefer it over FacePoop. And lately, I have been absolutely loving all the random, fun tweet conversations I've been having. Life's motto should totally be - If you can't say it under 140 characters, you shouldn't say it at all.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Dear Monday 6.23.12

link up with Megan at Happy Day
Dear Monday, Hi. You smell like beans today. I do not know why. But, you do. Will you please not smell like beans next Monday? My sense of smell would greatly appreciate it.

Dear FCYF Benefit Dinner, It goes without saying that I had a blast with you Saturday night. Between the all-you-can-eat steak & shrimp, the keg beer [Bud Light FTW!] and like a 12 foot table loaded down with liquor - we had us a grand ol' time. But I think what made it was catching up with old friends [Hi Sunny & Tashsa!] and meeting new ones [Tonya, I'm totally FB stalking you now. Sorry. It had to be said.]
Justin [My husband's husband] and I trying to get the most out of our tiny straws.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Dear Emilie,  Even though you tried to rip your knee off Friday you still drove us drunkards Saturday night. You couldn't even dance [and we know how we've got those moves like Jagger!] but you were a trooper. Tanner is going to be stoked when he gets to finally be held in his mamma's arms come September. You are so selfless, he picked himself a good one.

Dear Hot 2 Trot 5k, Please be kind to me this Saturday. I read somewhere that you are slightly uphill the entire freaking race. I do not know why I signed up for a Texas...that is uphill. But I'd really rather not leave my child motherless from heat exhaustion, so if you could be a few degrees cooler and have some neat goodies in our bag pick-up that would be awesome.

Dear Lillie's Godparents, you are wonderful. Thank you for all that you do for us & Lillie.

Dear Lillie, I love that after you realized you couldn't pick up the watermelon we had sitting on the kitchen floor your proceeded to roll it to me so you could have some. Totally proved the old adage - if there's a will, there's a way.

Dear Alfredo, you make the best pork chops ever. EVER.

15 Day Challenge 2012: Day 14 & 15

Playing catch-up with the last two days of the challenge!

[14] If you were only allowed to watch one movie for the rest of your life, what movie would it be and why?

I have multiple movies I watch on repeat. [Dreamgirls, Grease, Beauty and the Beast, etc].Some movies are like comfort food to me. Good for the soul, ya know? But my most recent obsession has been this -

Dudes, don't even play like you didn't [or don't] dig you some Disney. I love the music. Mandy Moore voices the lead and I've always been a huge fan of her voice. Doesn't matter what she sings, I just like her.

The husband tried to delete it from our DVR a few weeks ago and you would have thought he tried to cut off my left arm or something. It's a sweet story and it doesn't hurt that if Lillie gets caught up in it for a few minutes while I'm cooking dinner I don't have to worry.

[15] What's the best compliment you've ever received? I guess I've never received a really great one, because I've pretty much blanked on this. I'll probably remember something awesome after I post this. [How it always seems to go down, am I right?] I also always have to ruin any real compliment by making fun of myself in some way. Which is what went down last night when the husband as trying to be a sweetheart. We were getting ready to hit the sack for evening and got on the subject of high school. And he made some comment on how he looks better now that he did back then [for those of you who didn't know us in high school - the husband was a giant, walking stick. Actually we kind of both were.]
'02 bitches.
He then commented on the ol' girls and I was like dude, if I was back in high school you could say bye to these puppies. [Nothing like a lot little weight gain to go up a cup size or two, am I right?!]
And he was like "You're so much sexier now than you were then. You're a woman. There's nothing like a woman who knows what she wants and is willing to work hard for it."
Instead of saying Thanks, baby, you're the best man EVER. I chose to wipe toothpaste on his face. Classy, right? I'm just not comfortable with praise [I'm sure a lot of you can relate] so it seemed appropriate at the moment.
I should probably work on that. Or invest in more toothpaste.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

15 Day Challenge 2012: Day 13

[13] List your favorites: [I added some of my own!]

Quote:  If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.
My sister actually has this tattooed on her shoulder. She has something like 10 tattoos [Is that right, Am?] and this is by far my favorite one. It's just a reminder that having a little faith can go a long way.

Food:  Cheese. Does that count as like a real food? I mean, if it doesn't, it should. I buy shredded cheese in the lbs. Seriously. Also, if you ever come to my house and we don't have string cheese - grab a coat, because hell is about to freeze over.

Song:  You Make My Dreams Come True. By Hall & Oates.

I actually have a lot of favorite songs [I'm a music whore], but this one is dear to me for one reason - Lillie. I think of Lillie every time I hear this song and whether it's from my iTunes, my CD player or just randomly playing in the background somewhere, it makes me smile. And dude, listen to that beat. You can't tell me you're not doing a head bob or a shoulder twitch right now. It's on every CD I burn [didn't know people still did that did you?] and every play list for my iPod I make.

Dance Move: The Running Man.

Blog post: My Baby Body post I wrote last year while struggling with the after effects of having a kid. It's a year later and I still struggle daily, but all the positive responses I received from it - astounding. I couldn't ask for better readers, friends & family.

Favorite hair color: Red

Favorite photo: I tried to find a favorite photo, but I don't have just one. Why? Because I have a kid and every photo of her is precious and it's so annoying. Besides, if I keep trying to search for just the right one, my fever will start acting up again. So these are the most recent and will have to do -

Favorite Funny Person: Without a doubt, the husband. I mean, sure, a lot of the times I want to punch him the esophagus but it's out of love, I promise. He has no problem doing something completely silly to make me laugh, 
  or has no problem with being the butt of my jokes. He's kind of awesome like that.

Friday, July 13, 2012

15 Day Challenge 2012: Day 11& 12

[11] What's one thing you would never change about yourself?

My personality.
I like that I understand the concept of 'a joke'. Even the twisted ones. I can say things like "OHMYGAWD, you make me want to punch babies!" and know I don't literally want to punch babies, but the image in my head is hilarious nonetheless. I mean, dude - flying babies, come on?
I'm a really good listener - I've learned that sometimes you learn the most about people when you just let them do their thing. Let the talk, even if you really want to stop them. Sometimes people just need an ear. And I have two, so why not share?
I love that I can laugh at myself when I've done something completely stupid. Example: the other night I was working on a baby shower present for the bestie, Emilie and I said something along the lines as, "I have to make sure I put the right fabric on the right letter N or it will be all off."
Which Emilie pointed out pretty clearly was insane because it didn't matter which N I worked on since all I'd have to do was flip the two N's and it would be fine. A good, hearty laugh was had by all.

[12] What are you most looking forward to in the next 6 months?
  •  Meeting Tanner. I can't wait [wtf why am I tearing up?] to see my Emilie & Justin hold their precious son for the first time. And, of course, to give him a ton of hugs & kisses. And not through Emilie's stomach, as that may be kind of weird.
  • Lillie's 2nd birthday. I have been planning since her 1st birthday when the idea struck us. [Yes, I'm that crazy that even after this, I was ready to celebrate another]. I've already made a number of purchases for the fiasco, and I'm excited to share the day with our family & friends.
  • Black Friday shopping. Yes. I am that girl.
  • The possibility of going on a cruise with the husband. Nothing is for certain yet, but I think it's fair to say it's happening! Any one want to go along? 
  • My first half-marathon. I don't know if I'm exactly looking forward to running 13.1 miles, but I am looking forward to pushing myself to see what I'm capable of. And running kind of does it for me lately.
  • Breaking Dawn Part 2. [Don't judge me.]

15 Day Challenge 2012 : Day 10

[10] What's your most embarrassing moment?

I don't generally get embarrassed easily, I mean, I do embarrassing things on the daily but I'm a 'laugh at myself' type person. So, if I happen to fall up the stairs [which is surprisingly often], I'll sit there for a moment, gather my composure, stand up and say something along the lines of 'Bippity Bop can't make it to the top that way' hardy-hardy-har-har.
[Now that I think of it, I probably make it a lot worse than it already is...oops.]

Anywho, I've mentioned before how I just knew growing up that I would someday be a famous actress, right? Well, this has to do with that.

My first couple semesters of college I was a theatre major. I was convinced I was brilliant [living in a small town can sometimes do that to you] and figured everyone would be awed at my talent. [Foreshadow: Uh, not so much.]

One of the stipulations of my degree was that I had to try out for the 3 major productions if I wanted to participate in any of the productions throughout the academic year. No big deal, right? 

There were 3 sections of the audition that we would have to participate in: acting, singing & dancing.  Before I continue, let me share a little bit of information about myself - I do not sing. I do not dance. Well, I mean I do those things, but not well. And at 17, I certainly never did those things in front of people. [Now, I figure if you don't like my cat-in-heat mewing for a voice, then you can put some headphones on, because this girl is gonna jam.]

Yes, those are some of my 'real' dance moves.
Also, can someone tell me when the running man went out of style?
Disaster Area #1: Singing

I had picked out a song earlier in the day with some sheet music. I opted for a Disney tune. One that I adored. A few other girls did the same thing. 

I listened to the song on repeat all day and tried my darndest to sound like Ariel. [I did not.] But as my 10pm audition time neared, I was feeling it. I knew I didn't sound great, but I thought hey, I can fake it. So, as I was talking to some other auditioneers - someone mentioned, they hate it when you don't have the lyrics memorized. So, I attempted to memorize all the lyrics because there was no telling when they would stop me [it never crossed my mind that they'd let me keep going, because like I said - I sound like a penguin gargling salt water] and they were only taking about 8 people on stage at a time. We all sat down in the chairs provided. And one-by-one we were called. I have to say, the amount of talent in the theatre community is unreal, I was definitely out of my element. But I stood up, handed my sheet music to the piano player and...
missed my cue.
The 3 judges [yes, it was set up exactly like American Idol so I can call them judges] allowed me to try again. I didn't miss my opening, but once I got past the chorus I completely blanked. I did not know the words. I did not know what to do. I just stood there. Mouth agape, tears beginning to fill my eyes as all 3 judges looked down a their papers and started to make notes. The piano player eventually caught on and stopped playing. It felt like hours. Hours. It was probably only a few bars. I managed to shuffle back to my seat and the girl sitting next to me gave me some great advice, "Don't let them see you cry. You did a great job and you should be proud of yourself." But uh, yeah, embarrassed to the max.

Disaster Area #2: Dancing

You saw my moves above. I can barely walk [hello, falling upstairs again!] much less move to a beat. I had never had any formal dance classes, I mean, unless you count the Macarena.
So, when they had about 10 of us at a time learn [and I use that term loosely] choreography for about an hour it doesn't need to be said, but I'll say it anyway - I was clueless. It was some type of mixture between tap and jazz and I think there was a turn in there somewhere and...I managed to trip over my own feet at least twice. Was there line dancing involved? Possibly. That's how un-talented I am.

By this time I had already armpit-sweated through my shirt. And I think I needed a piece of gum.

Caution Area #3: Acting

I actually don't feel bad about this part of the audition process, but seeing as it was nearing 1a.m. I'm certain my judgement was fairly skewed. I remember having to lay on a couch. It was all very dramatic.And incredibly uninspiring.

Results: No callback.

The whole scenario was just embarrassing. I can laugh about it now, but I remember leaving the performing arts building, unlocking the door to my car and silently crying in the driver's seat for a good 30 minutes before I even attempted to make it back to the dorm.

But hey, if one good thing came from this - I actually do know all they lyrics to Part of Your World now.


15 Day Challenge 2012: Day 9

I have totally fallen behind on the challenge. Time to play catch-up my friends...
and no, I don't mean the condiment! [ba-dah-bing, ba-dah-boom!]

 [9] Describe the best day of your life to date.

I know the typical answer as a mom is the day I had my child.But if there's anything you should know by now when reading this blog - I can be kind of honest. And honestly, Lillie's birth day was not my best day. It had some of my best moments, there's no doubt about that.
  • I held my beautiful baby girl in my arms for the very first time.
  • I saw my husband tenderly hold our little girl with so much love, it's indescribable.The picture can't even do it justice in that moment.
  •  Alfred and I actually fist bumped while I was pushing because when we're supposed to be serious, we.simply.can't. 
  • And as I watched my mother hold her granddaughter for the very first time, I understood every decision she made with regards to her children.
Like I said, great moments.
But let's look at this logically - I was holed up in a hospital, with no food, contractions that felt like Chuck Norris was roundhouse kicking me in the uterus every few minutes, and the realization that a watermelon was about to come out of the ol'cooter hole. Uh, no. Not the best day. All I wanted was some damn WingStop and sleep. Oh, and to not have an 8 lb 12 oz child being delivered from my nether regions.
[I got the WingStop, I did not get away with the no kid from the nethers.]

But I think that's what life is - no best days. Just moments. 
Like dancing for the first time as husband and wife.
  Being silly with my family, which isn't often since we don't live in the same state.
Random 'Mullet' nights.

Guitar Hero&Mullets. How a pregnant person parties.

  Watching my best friend marry her best friend.
 Going a little too far with a 1st Birthday Theme.
 Being able to reminisce about our high school experience with my husband because that's where we met.

Some of my best days aren't because everything was perfect on that day, but because there were perfect moments scattered throughout.

“Forever is composed of nows.”
― Emily Dickinson

Sunday, July 8, 2012

15 Day Challenge 2012: Day 8

[8] Describe "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" of yourself.

The Good

I'm sure if you've been reading for a while, it's like O-to the-M-to the-G, shut up about your adorably, amazing kid that is quite possibly the cutest thing to ever walk the face of the earth, but tough cookie. It ain't gonna stop any time soon. 
I mean, she's my good. I'm sure I may have other 'good' attributes, but I'm not a huge bragger [unless, obviously, it comes to my kid] so I'm going to cop out and just go with her. She really does push me to be a better person, because I want her to be proud of me in a way I've never cared for anyone else too. I want her to be able to say, "Oh yeah, my mom is better than your mom because she said I could use the word butt and your mom said you couldn't!"
Making sure I don't forget who my #1 is. And Bubbles, the cat, is not it.
She helps remind me to not be selfish [even though not sharing the last bit of ice cream really does sound good in my head at the time], she helps remind me that sometimes just smiling at a random person can actually change someones outlook on the day [even though it doubles the amount of time we spend in the grocery store], she helps remind me of the every day joys of life that we all seem to learn to complicate over the course of growing up. Or just take for granite. She's the good I've brought into the world and she's what brings the good out in me.

The Bad

I kind of get wrapped up in my own life, so I can sometimes forget to reach out and maintain friendships. I don't do it on purpose. I just...I just do. I mean, it's like "Oh, let me call Susie because ....oohhhh something shiny!" Life is really distracting at times. Not an excuse, but it is what it is. I've been working on this because I hate it, but still it continues to happen. *sigh*

The Ugly

This picture of me at Lillie's 1st birthday. (Yes, we had a theme, [Lillie in One-derland] I don't *normally* dress as the Queen of Hearts.)
I mean,  the obvious double chin & Satan eyes, I'm mustering up in this picture are definitely not doing me any favors. And while the photo above is me doing the ugly, I think it can also be a representation of how I [maybe everyone?] sometimes feel about myself. How in a moment I can go from being a rock star to feeling self-conscious and worthless based on a picture someone took that I don't think puts me in the best light. We really can be our own worst enemy. And I think with social media - facebook, twitter, heck, even blogging - we learn to portray ourselves how not only we want to be seen but how we want the world to see us. It's so easy to do.
You want to be thinner? Post pictures that portray you that way. Untag those that don't.
You want to be more adventurous? Post a status about how you just went skydiving [even if you didn't and all you did was watch people skydive]
You want to be smarter? Google that shit. [Totally guilty of this]
I really do try to just be me. But still, I only share with you what I want. I don't tell you how the other day I wanted to punch my awesome husband in the face because he made some smart-ass comment about how the dishes weren't done. I don't tell you about how I couldn't wait to go back to work after having Lillie, even though I'm supposed to say "Ohmygawd I miss my baby so bad!" I mean, now I do, but those first few months adjusting to motherhood were incredibly hard for me. Nobody, myself included, is perfect and yet it's so easy to pretend to be.
And it's those things that people don't post that we forget about. We see what we want. It's so easy to compare and say how horrible our lives are when we see someone talking about how they just went to England on whim and are having the time of their life. Or when someone posts "I'm so happy I got out of my hometown! I'm living the life!" And you're still in the exact same place 10 years later.
And that's just ugly to think less of yourself because of someone else. But it happens. And I'm way guilty of it.

I imagine we all are in some way.

Anyway, back to the funny [coping mechanism, much?].
I sometimes have a double chin and you know what, I rock the shit out of it. [Fake it till you make it right?]

Lillie's baptism

Saturday, July 7, 2012

15 Day Challenge 2012: Day 7

[7] Recommend a book for us to read. Why do you think it's important?

Okay, I'm kind of a book whore. I go from this book, to that book, back to the first book and then I bask in my whore-y-ness by washing it all down with a big ol' glass of wine.
One of my recent conquests.
I've always loved to read. I can actually remember in 1st grade when it finally clicked for me that letters made words. I was in my Granny's house and I remember being frustrated like 2 seconds before and then all of a sudden - like a light switch - it was on.  No turning back.

I go through stages, where I go through 2-3 books a week for a couple months and then I just stop. I get occupied by other things, or get major headaches because I get so excited reading that the book ends up 2 inches from my face so I have to force myself to stop for a bit. Whatever the reason is, it's where I'm most comfortable. The husband is not a reader and loves to either make fun of me for it [every time Harry Potter is in my hands - which is a lot, I love re-reading - he likes to prance around and say he's a wizard] or criticize my [lack of] cleaning the house skills while I'm occupied with a new adventure. I love my young adult, slutty romance novels and the occasional biography.

Oh hell, I got a little carried away. Anyways, on to the book I chose.

You know how they say you can't judge a book by the cover? Yeah, I kind of do. And the only reason I picked this book up was because it was textured like sprinkles on the cover. Lame, but true. But you know what, it doesn't matter - because it is an amazing story.

It's a memoir based on Cupcake Brown's life. She grew up in a rough neighborhood, was a lost foster child in the system, became pregnant - lost the baby because of other foster kids [I won't go into a lot of detail, because frankly it makes me cry and I also don't want to ruin it for you], became a prostitute, turned to drugs, but managed to turn it all around in the end. It's really an amazing story. And detailed. And just shows you that it doesn't matter what people may think of you - all that really matters at the end of the day is what you think of you. And how you can overcome your demons and be incredibly successful.

I seriously encourage every one of you to read this story. It's just awesome. If you're interested in it, I love it so much, I will actually let you borrow it. Seriously. Just tell me. I'll ship it wherever.

Which, now that I'm thinking of it, how cool would that be to have a challenge where we link up with other bloggers and share books we own? Sar, are you hearing this? I just made myself a genius!